Week three of Strictly Come Dancing 2010 opened with much hope and minus one contestant. Corrie cutie Tina O'Brien was at home with the chicken pox. If she misses next week she could be gone, so we should all wish her a speedy recovery, last thing we want is one less real dancer do we? And as I like to keep it upbeat and happy, I'll let off some steam here and now, so I won't have to punctuate the rest of the blog post with expletives. Rubbish judge Alesha Dixon, who says things like " I is well impressed" and "You was", etc, really did my head in tonight more than usual. There were performances worthy of crippled drunks on drugs, in one case the dancer hadn't moved 3 feet from the starting point but she gave him a 7. I do not know how she keeps her spot on the panel with an expertise level so shallow plankton would die. She then went on to describe one of the best performances of the evening as having "timing issues". Honestly, Sooner she is asked to leave the better the show will be. (Week four, video clips and results can be read here)
So what was at stake for the remaining 12 dancers? For one, they all knew that being either great or pure excrement was the only way to stay alive. Most chose to improve, one clearly decided that being sexy was going to be enough as he clearly doesn't think he can dance. More on him later. The other thing is more basic, and that was that the quickstep was going to save them or sink them.
So without further ado, the ratings for this week's dances.
Kara Tointon: First out with the quickstep was good, but had a few slow passages that didn't ssem to hurt her standing with the judges or the crowd. On the whole a standard setting performance. Rating 8
Felicity Kendal: Rumba baby, hot sexy sultry bendy, Flexible Felicity! WOW. She had a few tiny technical glitches, but It didn't matter as she danced with purpose and made us believe her. We should all have legs as good as hers. BTW Felicity is a little under a year older than Ann Widdicombe. See ladies, old need not mean life over. Rating 7 Watch Felicity smoulder on youtube.
Patsy Kensit: Also quickstepped a strong performance but had bad technique, a poor choice of song, it being too fast which led to her cowboy hopping around a lot and loosing control of the dance. Based on this, she should be in danger of falling into the mid table trap where you're not good enough to be noticed and not bad enough to be laughed at. Rating 5
Paul Daniels: Who rumbaed, had a good start but quickly fell out of time causing him to get lost and slow down. Entertainer that he is he, at least salvaged what you could call a cute routine. Rating 4
Matt Baker: Performed a quickstep that looked effortless. Flowing , musical with exquisite timing. Seeing him dance reminded me why I love the show so much. Rating 8
Gavin Henson: Continued his cold vacuous soulless farce. Walking, posing, walking posing , he may have danced all of three seconds. Katya did all the work and if Alesha thought he was brilliant, she needs her credentials checked. Craig, the only honest judge on the panel , gave him a 3. He clearly has decided that he will coast on his fame and refuses to dance at all. Len, Bruno and Craig all told him he could dance if he just tried. Clearly he's paying them no mind. I won't of course be surprised to find out the rugby crowd are keeping him in. I will however spit against the wind and remind people this is a dance competition , not a hunt for calendar beefcake. Rating 1
Scot Maslen: Made us forget the mess of a few minutes before with a quickstep to the tune of Disney's Be like you, so fluid and natural he topped the table. This sort of performance makes posers like Gavin look like the mick takers they are. Rating 8
Michelle Williams: Was supposed to rumba, what she did was weak and stilted , you mostly worried she was going to fall down. A poor performance hampered by legs so frail, she will likely hurt herself before the competition ends. Yet again Alesha praised her and said she shouldn't take the mean old judges too seriously. Fat lot you know Luv. Rating 4
Peter Shilton: Was proof that you could indeed go from lumbering beast to nearly decent dancer. A massive improvement on last week, he moved with freedom and confidence. He finally took the beast within for a go round the dance floor. Good quickstep Rating 6
Jimi Mistry: Who last week wowed the judges, was not good at all. He lacked confidence, his extensions were bad and his timing was completely off. He'll have to raise his game next week if he doesn't go before then. Rating 6
Ann Widdicombe: The run away train came down the track and she blew. She blew the judges away! Ok so her quickstep wasn't genius or even close to good, but she danced! Putting aside the fact she has no business being on Strictly, she was at least trying and made Anton smile. I'm sure she knows that every week she stays on, she is keeping better dancers from going forward, but at least she's now not embarrassing to watch. Rating 3
Pamela Stephenson: Did a rumba that had chemistry, nice flow and was in harmony with the music. A bit slow in spots, she none the less delivered possibly the best performance on the night where several dancers were reaching for top of the table. . Rating 9
So yet again I hope against hope and predict the two dancers who SHOULD be in the bottom two. Who the sometimes not so great British public say, may in fact be an entirely different kettle of fish. If there is any justice, these four should be comprising the most nervous dancers. Gavin Henson, Paul Daniels, Michelle Williams and of course Ann Widdicombe. watch this space for the results tomorrow. It's a good thing the Prem isn't decided like this or West Ham would be in the top 4 and Stoke City would be on their way to join Preston in fizzy pop.
EDIT: YESSS there is justice in the world. In no particular order, the bottom 3 were Paul Daniels, Michelle Williams and GAVIN HENSON. Ending up bottom two, Paul and Michelle. At least Paul had the decency to admit he was most qualified to go home before he even knew he was bottom two. Good on you Mr Daniels for having SOME dignity. In the end it was in fact Paul Daniels who left the show with applause in his ears and the respect of the crowd. I hope you're paying attention Gavin, the three worst dancers were left standing. Move your bloody arse next time or you will be gone. Not even the Welsh people and rugby nutters could tolerate your antics any more. Watch the results show here.Anybody else think Katya's tango was a bit bondage video? Now who can tell me what naughty word Flexible Felicity used in her outburst at the weekend?
Review for week four, video clips and results here .
For more information go to the official site of Strictly Come Dancing 2010 at the BBC