Saturday, 9 October 2010

Strictly Come Dancing week 2: Abomination to perfection and points in between

EDIT:Includes results update from Sunday show.
I'm in shock , truly I am. I just finished watching Strictly a few minutes ago, and sometimes it felt like Children in need had invaded the place and other times it was like watching Fred Astaire at his best.  Before we get into the reason most of you are reading this, sarcasm and hyperbole, I need to throw some compliments to the Strictly people in charge. I am pleased to say that the music chosen for every dance was appropriate, respectful of the dance it went with and did not make the steps struggle to be seen past the music,   like in years past. The music has if anything, kept the worst of the dancers from hiding in the noise and confusion of poorly chosen melodies. And believe me there was plenty to hide tonight. Another tidbit, Tess Daly seems to have given away something inadvertently. When Brucie tried to dip her too high, she went all coy and nervous as if we'd see more than just her pants, in fact I think she was going commando. Naughty Tess!

And so another Saturday night of dance, and the judges were in fine form. We got to see a less than effusive Alicia and Craig was reduced to flapping his mouth with no sound coming out.  Now what you ask could render Craig Horwood speechless? I won't tell you now, but the dancer's first name starts with an A. There were of course some truly wonderful high points including a near perfect routine from Kara Tointon. Costumes, apart from Anne Widdicombe in her parachute and Gavin Henson's pectorals, were right up there. Felicity Kendal was gorgeous in a coffee coloured ball gown and even Michelle Williams sparkled in a glittery number that made her look less pop starlet and more woman. The men weren't without style as we saw some really well cut tuxedos. Peter Shilton did however  choose poorly with his football patch on tight black shiny trousers.

Without further ado, let the rating begin.

Matt Baker, him off Countryfile, did a sexy foxtrot that was worthy of somebody who had practised all week to the exclusion of all else. The truth is that he was mostly on location and filming several hours a day. His mastery of the dance complete with some moves that aren't even attempted before several weeks in were done flawlessly. Matt is in fact getting on Len's wick for being so good in weeks 1 and 2. Rating 8

Peter Shilton then came on to Salsa like a manic Frankenstein monster from a Mel Brooks film. I'm sure his rendition of Puttin on the Ritz will be better than Peter Boyle's. To his credit, he did have fun with it and seemed to impart a great deal of enthusiasm to those of us watching. The most telling comment was that the animal was still firmly in the cage. If he just loosened up, he could do even better. Rating 5

Tina O'Brien stepped out with he partner Jared for some practice at a 40's style club in London. Nice to see so many young people taking up dance like this. In fact there wasn't a person over 30 in view, must mean something really exciting is happening with ballroom. Tina was much better than last week and the choice of music surely had something to do with it. Jared seemed to have twigged that she can dance, but there is no chemistry between the two. Nice foxtrot and she seemed more focussed on the dance. Rating 6

Patsy Kensit did the Salsa. Despite being a bit stiff still, it was good, hot and sexy. She has finally let herself go and can only get better. As she was filming her last scenes for Holby, one can assume a more concentrated Patsy will flower in the weeks to come once she's got 100% to give. Rating 7

Paul Daniels surprised me. For a man his age, he did a push up that would embarrass the average  20 year old, then went out and danced a blinder considering his performance last week. Still too slow, but great fluidity and grace. Sadly he went from Yoda to ET halfway through the routine. Seems the desire and ability are there but he can't remember all the steps. Rating 5

Scot Maslen, ex of The Bill, despite a bit of standing, did a searing sexy foxtrot. Full of energy and rhythm, he upped his game and topped the table with  the first set of 4 eights on the evening. Rating 8

Michelle Williams, who I last week compared to Amy Winehouse, seems to have cleaned herself up in the interim. Compared to last week, she was not a horror show. To say she danced well is going too far, at one point she sat on a bench while her partner did all the work. Her foot work was off and she'll have to do much better if she wants to stay. Nice dress for her foxtrot. Rating 6

Goldie aka Clifford to his Mam, also foxtrotted a smooth rhythmic sexy performance. Vast improvement on last week with room to improve. Rating 6

Pamela Stephenson did a Salsa with good hip action, fluidity but lost her spot for a second , costing her. Not as good as last week, but still worthy of praise. Rating 8

Felicity Kendal cha cha'd her way with confidence in a lovely dress. She was fluid natural and elegant. Loss of rhythm  half way did hurt her scores. I'm certain she can recover from the small error. Rating 6

Ann Widdicombe...... Are there enough words to describe the dance atrocity that hit the floor????? An abominable performance that recalled the dance portion of Children in Need. You know the one, where you take a group of people with no talent, no rhythm  and let them make fools of themselves for charity and youtube posterity.  One of the truly cringe worthy moments of the alleged dance, had Anton trying hard not to break his neck  whilst doing a move only physically possible with a woman his own height. Then the silly stuff I can only assume Ann insisted on, wrapped around what little actual dance may have occurred. Imagine your grandmother on too much drink at a party acting cool with your 19 old best mate, who out of politeness, seems too confused and embarrassed to say anything. Somebody please tell me this is a joke. Anton Dubeck has suffered enough, please commute the sentence and vote her of the show NOW. A performance that was the longest most difficult to watch 3 minutes of my life in recent times, would be a -10 if they allowed it.
Rating 1 Watch the full horror on youtube

Kara Tointon from Eastenders, cleansed the palette with a foxtrot that was the redemption of the evening. She did a smooth sexy PERFECT routine, sizzling with chemistry and skill. Clearly she and her partner have something special going and it helps she's clearly a natural dancer. To see her was to erase the horror of the previous 5 minutes. Rating 8

Gavin Henson then promptly poured a load of vinegar all over the mood. His salsa wasn't Widdecombe bad, but it was differently bad. At least Ann Widdicombe had the good sense to know she wasn't fooling anybody. Gavin came out in silky circus clothes that his partner ripped off half way through in the hope of distracting at least the women watching from the fact he hadn't danced at all. He walked a bit, held a pose then walked some more. BAD BAD BAD. It wasn't even entertaining, He had all the false confidence of Jedward without the thin veneer of clown. If we're lucky, this fraud will be gone soon. Especially disappointing after his performance last week. Rating 3

Jimi Mistry closed the night off with a classy if not totally convincing foxtrot. Theatrical, sexy, rhytmic and fluid, his only real mistake was to grin like it was some kind of joke. It would have otherwise rated higher. Clearly a  good dancer who has yet to grasp he can go all the way. As it is, he was still terrific. Rating 7

Paragraph to come when we find out tomorrow night who got hoyed.  My guess..... Ann Widdicombe or Gavin Henson, anything else would be wrong .   For more Strictly stuff go to the home page . Watch tonight's show here.

Bottom two are Peter Shilton and Goldie???? While not anywhere near as good as say Matt Baker or Kara Tointon, they are hardly the worst dancers. Somebody is taking the piss. If Gavin and Mrs Widdicombe aren't off the show by week three, drastic measures will have to be taken. Perhaps denying all of Wales the right to phone vote. These same geniuses kept the useless boxer in far longer than he should have been. As for Ann Widdicombe, poor Anton needs to be released from this punishment for last year's unwise outburst, he gets it, don't be nasty anymore.  Word of advice to the glaks keeping in Ann Widdicombe and Gavin Henson, the joke will wear thin in about five minutes. Tonight's victims did not deserve the humiliation of bottom two and anybody with eyes knows it. Before Strictly becomes a farce, this has the be rectified. Oh and Alicia, it's about dance not who can get more votes, soon as you figure that out you'll be aware of just how wrong this result was. TBH, if the panel went down to three with you gone, it would be an improvement.

FYI, Goldie is going home, Shock first result from Strictly

I assume at least Ann Widdicombe is under no illusion she is still in this based on her awesome "talent", and Gavin can only hide behind rugby people and the Welsh so long. I stopped watching x-factor for a reason, I hope Strictly does not descend into farce as well.

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