The God Complex or Mrs Williams figures it out

Keep your hats on people. It isn't as bad as it looks. I have it on good word straight from the convention floor, that Karen Gillan isn't leaving Doctor Who any time soon. If anything, she and Arthur Darvill are going to be in the 50th anniversary programme and probably at least till the conclusion of the Amy/River/Doctor story. That said, tonight's ep wasn't about how many eps are left for the Williams family, it was about Amy waking up once and for all to the stark truth that her life is with Rory and always has been. Poor man, he truly is the boy who waited. Maybe finally he'll get a bit of respect from his wife?

The God Complex opens in the prototypical endless corridor set with danger behind every door, a breathless young woman who wears the same clothes Amy did when first we met the adult Amy, is trying to survive what is clearly going to get her. Enter the Tardis three and the running and the screaming begins. Except that it's not all just a bit of jogging before dying a grisly death in some Godforsaken hell that's easy and cheap to film in, (though in this case, I'm sure it is and so saves the BBC a lot of money). The story settles down pretty quickly and we find out we're in a place with no way out ( hums Hotel California to himself), and that other guests have first , been made to face their worst fear, then having been sufficiently scared senseless, they fall prey to the thing that wants them to "Praise Him". As stories go, Moffat has yet again gone back to the roots of Doctor Who, The Doctor is an ancient time traveller and yet again he's knee deep in space and time kaka. No one wants to take over the world or the Universe, it's a nice closed door mystery where with luck, enough of the cast will survive to the end credits to find out what fiend is trying to kill them.

The use of doors to hide a multitude of other peoples fears is a fun excuse to trot out the usual suspects that keep us from falling asleep or getting things done. Mum always preferred the other child, you could never be good enough for your father, you're a geek and can't pull and sexy girls mock you, then you add the clowns, the monsters and the call back villains from past eps and Doctors, and you have a  real fun park of pant soiling  nasties designed put a smile on your face, long as it's not your own personal fear that is. I would of liked some slightly more adult fears like telesales people flogging The Jerusalem Post to members of the EDL,  erectile dysfunction, Graham Norton being told he's got Katie Price, Jedward, Chloe Mafia, and the entire cast of The Only Way  is Essex , the horror of being Linda Lusardi post op,  a WI lady seeing her sponge fall during a competition or an Al Queda   having some nutter in the US claim 9/11 was all a government plot and NOT his work.  Room 11, which appears to be the Doctor's room, seemed to have the worst of the lot. What could possibly scare the Doctor,. a being so old he's been to the  Big Bang Burger Bar at least 5 times and knows the floor show personally? Room 11 we find out contains what Matt Smith reacts to with " Of course, who else". What horror is supposed to fill him with dread? Jedward? Catherine Tate? the TARDIS check engine light, or maybe all those years he spent looking like Colin Baker. We'll never know, but it will be fun prying that nugget from Steven Moffat. My personal theory, borne out of later dialogue and previous times when he's had to struggle, is the deep guilt The Doctor feels for the ruined lives, death and dislocation he has caused over the millennia. As they say in Rocky Horror, time is fleeting, madness takes control. Sometimes with dire consequences. Playing God can be prety harrowing , but clearly not as harrowing as the thing would like, because The Doctor is never troubled enough to succumb. Why should he, he's nearly eternal and knows that in the end. there are few perfect choices, just bad and worse ones . No  need to beat himself up too much about it.

Good Bye Amy?

But he does come to a startling conclusion later, startling only if you haven't been paying attention for the last few months. Amy, since she was a wee lass  has been admiring and building up the Doctor as an infallible thing that will never let her down, she's even constructed a fantasy where she has the Doctor all to herself in every way possible. Meanwhile, and since she was Amelia, poor Rory has been straggling along in her wake like a sad puppy. Thing is, since about just before Pandorica, Rory has  come into himself a lot more and asserted himself many times, most recently In Let's kill Hitler. Sadly Amy has till now failed to notice that she was always first in his book. I think the penny really started to fall in The Girl who waited. Amy, young Amy and older Amy  pin their hopes on the Doctor, but it's Rory who really saves her, chooses her. not the Doctor. Tonight in breaking the faith of Amy in him, he sets her free, finally allowing Amy to see the invisible man whose always been there for her. His last act of the play is most telling, never in the history of Who has a companion ever come back long term to the TARDIS after going home like that. On Corrie it's a cab or bus off the cobbles , on Who it's the TARDIS to your house on Earth. Except this time, the Doctor has even thrown in a flash car for Rory, a Chelsea house for Amy and the adventure Amy fears to make, the one where she stays at home and has a life with Rory. You have to wonder if even this mallet over the head will stick, we'll have to see. Amy is stubborn, but even a mule eventually sees sense and moves in the direction  it's asked to.  I certainly hope so, much as one loves Amy and Rory, their time will have to come an end one way or another.

Supporting cast in God Complex were strong as well. David Walliams was brilliant as the cowardly Gibbis  and I enjoyed the asian girl who seemed most on top of the game, Amara Karan playing Rita, would have been a most competent and acceptable companion for the Doctor except for the tiny complication of her death. Rita at one point even seemed a bit too much in control and had me wondering if maybe after all, the Minotaur wasn't the principle villain  but her .  As it is, she proved to be the bridge to the solution. Faith, any faith, faith in a Diety, in one's skills, one's class, one's mentor, all of them were bad, in fact edible. I think I'll risk holding onto my faiths despite the risk of meeting up with a relative of the Nimon. Faith keeps us going when all else fails, it make us do incredible things against all odds and it keeps us sane when evidence would normally indicate we should just give up trying what ever it is we're on about. In my case I'll continue to have faith in Newcastle United, the belief my cat will listen to me, and that the BBC will pay me to write for them.before I get fitted for a free bus pass. It's faith in my friends, the success of other previously hard working but unknown writers who are now overnight sensations, and the knowledge that there is no accounting for the choices of programmes that get commissioned these days that keep us sane and focused. Where was I?  Ah yes supporting cast. They filled out the story nicely and were essential to the ticking along of the story, unlike the frankly silly curse of the Black Spot with it's arghing and pointless posturing. Nothing was wasted in this outing not even the dummies in the dining room. Great throw away lines likes resistance is exhausting, reminded one that you need to laugh at the universe or it will get you. Walliams in particular did well not to draw on any of the Little Britain stuff and showed he can stretch himself past his admittedly large catalogue characters. I hope he's back for more. The monster, a relative of the Nimon was equally good, not your one dimensional beast that roars and destroys, it's a complex being that to has it's needs and wants to be released from it's eternal cycle of trapping and killing.

And it's here that we meet the Doctor of old, RTD would have skirted the issue, but not Moffat, The Doctor , not for the first time or the last in the ep, kills something for it's own good. And presto, there was the big surprise. From the opening scene you're screaming , Castrovalava, The Matrix, it can't be real, well you're right. It's a holodeck right off of Star Trek. Gene Rodenberry would of been proud of the story. The poor beast related to the Nimon is now free and the Universe a little safer for a while.

So why ruin it all and mention James Corden? I suppose armed with a script not improvised by him , he's ok, but I still needed a second to adjust. Maybe they'll have him die a horrible death at the hands of the Cybermen? Perhaps the Doctor will, in a scene that will be cheered in many homes, strand him on a planet where they eat unfunny motivational speakers in trakies. We can always dream.

Have you noticed what the new lead in is now? Celebrity Masterchef, yes a load of bad cooks who were famous for a few minutes for sometimes the most incredibly red tab reasons in the book. The first four have proved mostly useless in the kitchen, except maybe for the man off Holyoaks, he's ok. The rest would be hard pressed to make an impression at a cheap surf and turf restaurant. Which of course they were sent to. Jaunty Road and Greg Wallace could never have been allowed near a proper eatery with this crowd.. One filleted herself, another made the most appalling combinations of flavours and yet another had the pallet of 6 year old who'd never eaten anything outside of KFC and his mam's cooking. Next batch up aren't much better if we're to judge by the low light reel they use to promote next week. And in case you were wondering where it was during the week? Not in it's normal evening slot, but buried deep in  afternoon telly land.  I suppose it's where it belongs, Linda Lusardi who's had so much work on her, she needs to live on the shopping channel to pay for it all is a celebrity because of the  her "body" of work. I googled her old picks, very nice, but seeing her now is like stabbing yourself repeatedly while looking at fit naked women. It just doesn't work. The Blonde woman who sells lingerie, another person who's famous more in the way Ann Summers is than say Lilly Allen, is another hapless murderer of food. I'm not sure who the other alleged celebs are, but I do hope we get a better class of famous people soon or the show is doomed. Some proper actors , a few singers, a politician who's not been retired 20 years or maybe even the food critic at the Gruniad would be nice,  but I somehow doubt it.

If you're looking for a good dose of fun, well written telly, check out on ITV1 the new Doc Martin , just as fresh as ever and no let up in the quality of the stories and scripts. Martin (Martin Clunes) and Louisa (Caroline Catz) are back in Portwenn for another akward slice of life in Cornwall. . It's good , watch it !

Laters all , please don't forget to try Beat Surrender, follow the links on the right.

Day of the Moon (part 2): Still confused but I'm ok with that.

I'm still wondering about a few things...it's beyond ratings, it's an event, a cathartic break with the tension building since first we met River Song. All together now... I'm confused and I'm ok with that. Last Saturday's Doctor Who was less an exercise in telling a one off story and more pushing the envelope of the River Doctor arc along. If anything the whole The Silence thing was more of a damp squib. From it we got some great lines about Tricky Dickie and some brilliant banter between the Doctor and River. What we didn't get was a memorable alien story like we might have got in Arc in Space or Kroll in the Key to Time arc. I would even venture to say that The Silence were about as scary as the Zarbi ( giant ants)  in The Web Planet, if anything , they were boring wallpaper to the real star of the story, that being the three big clues dropped in our laps by Moffat. 

Least scary monsters since the Silurians?

The Silence fail on several levels, not least of which, convincing scary monsters. Why I ask you if we can see them  and then promptly forget them, do they even need to zap us? Compared to other aliens resident to Earth, such as the Silurians, The Silence seem to be some benign growth with us "Since the wheel and fire". So what precisely have they done to us???? Such horrible things as make us advance our science at a steady pace, presumably things we would have done eventually with or without them. Made us fight terrible wars? Surely also something we don't need help with. So frankly as threats to the Human race, hardly up there with the octopi from space that use our children as some kind of narcotic.  Then there's the costume, Men in Black with Greys faces???  We don't remember them, why even dress? And if they wear clothes, why not the original space suits from when we discovered fire? Lastly the way our Doctor dispatched the things was so predictable I sussed it a few minutes in, well actually when Amy took the snap on her mobile. All he needed was to get the injured Grey to say that stuff about how we should shoot them all on sight. Again WHY??? To be honest, if the worst they are guilty of is Hitler, George Bush ( either one), Margaret Thatcher and big oil, then I'll take that  as the price for getting the tech we needed to get to the Moon, penicillin, and telly. To quote the People's Front for the Liberation of Judea, " What have the Romans ever done for us besides..." The Silence were rubbish and window dressing. An epic fail to use the parlance of some people much younger than me. 

So what was so great about Day of the Moon? Clearly it wasn't about saving the Earth from two dimensional paper cut out monsters hardly capable of scaring a 3 year old. And if we're honest the sense of jeopardy you got from seeing Gandalf  "die" in the film was present from part one through to part two, even the body bags didn't bother me half as much as they should have. I never once for a second believed the Doctor was in any real danger or dead. I am assuming The Moff will find a way to pull the fat out of the fire, as I suspect were most of us watching. In a bit of a ham fisted way, he's asked to us to wonder about a few things, set us some tasks to solve between  now and end of term. Professor Moffat was so busy laying the ground work for the series finale he forgot to write a story that puts in danger and makes us climb behind the setee. Why was there a lot " Three months later" stuff? It seemed  a little half baked and poorly thought out. For example, where was the scene when they figured out Amy had a picture, they could see them  but would forget them when they turned away? Somebody please get the deleted scenes file. Where it worked was where we needed to sort future present and past Amys, Doctors and Rivers. If we string the clues dropped along the way in the order they actually happened ( in relation to linear time), we will know who the Time Lady regenerating at the end was, who was in the space suit when future Doctor was killed in a potential and still avoidable string of events  and of course who the hell River Song is and why she's travelling in the opposite direction the Doctor is. 

Neanderdoc

Which begs the questions.Where is River's Tardis? Is it the future version of the current Tardis?Can a Time Lord or Lady be in fact travelling on an opposite time line from another Gallifrean?  Wouldn't it be more a case of bumping into each other in a disjointed series of times in the past and future? Besides you can only regenerate in a string from first to last regeneration. Any way you slice it, even time travel has rules and we can't ignore them. So the answer is obviously staring us in the face if we could only clear the excess growth in the way. This at very least screams a Gallifrey ep or three. OOOO Time Lords again !  About bloody time. Quick question folks, Matt Smith in full beard. Neanderthal much?  Personally I'm glad he shaved.

Another high point, however tiny detail it is to some, was the use, if only in our imaginations, of the store room and the Tardis swimming pool to save River ( see Gandalf remark earlier). Finally Moffat is reopening the set design budget and preparing us to see the long neglected interior of the ship that is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. I know, I know, endless corridors at BBC centre, disused buildings and the occasional potted plant, while a Sontaran chases our heroes for what seems like  20 minutes but is in fact at least two 30 minute segments. It wasn't all bad if you recall; we had Peri's bedroom, Peri in bed, Peri wet in her room, in fact everybody else's rooms... the zero room, other control rooms, clothes closets, the heart of the Tardis where the bells toll, so many places, so many dangers, so many laughs. Being stuck in the front room was getting boring and it looks like all that is about to change.We hope.

Who is she?

I won't bother even trying to sort out the threads in my head or prove my theories right now, I will just sit back and enjoy the show as it does the striptease that will finally answer the questions that grow ever more strident in their asking. "It's all right, it's quite all right, I'm Dying, but I can fix that  ". I do however wish for one thing, if we are going to treat the weekly ep as less important than the overall arc of the series, I would hope the monsters and dangers are a bit more compelling than The Silence or having River chuck herself off the  top floor of a building to her "death". Moffat can have done better and I expect  more of an effort from here on in.  Here's hoping the pirates aren't little more than "Carry on sailing".  Still confused but expecting to enjoy the ride if the stories avoid the predictable radio serial cliffhangers you know the hero will get out of no matter how ridiculous. Holy Fake shark on your leg Batman! How ever will we get out if this pickle? 


Join us next week same Doc channel at the same Doc time! This time Pirates. Can't wait? See the new trailer for The Curse of the Black Spot on the official BBC site.

The Impossible Astronaut: Part one

WARNING SPOILERS: If you've not yet seen this, then please look no further. Finally after much gnashing of teeth and beating of breasts, fandom on both sides of the pond can come together albeit a bit delayed , and on the same day discuss our brilliant and universally admired Doctor.

In order to stretch a bit and  make sure I'm not ruining anything for anybody... I'm going to spend a little time talking about something safe. Sad, but safe. Earlier this week our beloved Sarah Jane Smith aka Lis Sladen passed away suddenly at the incredibly young age of 63 from cancer. She was in my estimation THE companion. Part best mate, part first mate and part Doctor's conscience. Sarah Jane first showed up during John Pertwee's incarnation while working at U.N.I.T.  From that time onwards and till she left us first in her Andy Panda outfit, she became the companion we all loved. Oh we lusted after some, wanted to hug others, and yet others moved us to tears ( Adric), but Sarah Jane was the one we loved, the one we always measured the other companions too. Even in her return, years later with the 10th Doctor, it was hard not to feel the old  stirrings in your heart when she first saw the Doctor and when she finally said goodbye to him. If anything, Sarah Jane had not gotten old, she'd gotten better.  I must admit I was not a huge fan of The Sarah Jane Adventures, but even as a young adult programme it took much of it's character and force from the actress Lis Sladen, who I'm sure loved every second of it and would have gone on another 10 years if she hadn't died. Sarah Jane Smith asked us not to to forget her, how could we? Are our hearts made of stone? I'm not one to cry much or all that often, but last night during the tribute on CBBC, My Sarah Jane,  it was all I could do not to cry, nearly made it too, but then they hit us with that final montage and music. We will never forget you Lis Sladen, RIP and keep the Brigadier company. For an in-depth review of Lis Sladen's life I recommend my mate Keith Telly Topping's article.

Best comment on the night was yer Keith Telly Topping's response to my cryptic status right after Doctor Who finished.....Me: Wellll that was a sizzler wasn't it. Him: It was. Dramatic. Funny. Thought provoking. Mind you, I kept on expecting the hare to break down about every five minutes ... . Basil Brush would be proud.

Enough stalling already, The Impossible Astronaut: Part one  was precisely what it was supposed to be, a part one. If you were expecting to the Lord thy G-d Steven Moffat to neatly wrap up all the tiny details for you at the end of 45 minutes, you are clearly new to this Doctor Who thing. I will go further, while some say it was mehhh and a bit iffy, I was glued from beginning to end. It lasted 45 minutes but it felt like 20. When the credits rolled I went gahh and wanted the week to go by as quickly as possible so it could be Saturday again. This is not mehh telly, this is not iffy storytelling, it is however a master setting up a finish and adding extra layers to that story we've been wondering about for a long time, who is River Song? 

The ep opens with the throw away and yet amusing scene of the young marrieds in their sitting room watching clips of the Doctor waving at them from various points in history. A less practised hand would have been rumbled for padding, but not Moffat, this bit of theatre paved the way to making the Tardis blue card being less important than it actually was. After a bit of sussing, the numbered bit otherwise anonymous envelope yields instructions that only be from the Doctor. Fade to a dessert on planet USA and we have kicked off. Amy Rorry, Song  and the 1103 year old Doctor don't have long to wait for something to happen. And 10 minutes in shots, the Doctor is regenerating, more shots and he's dead. Welllll I for one didn't buy it. Yes he was dead, he got a lovely Viking send off, but like Gandalf the Grey, he was only hiding till later. And Presto, out the bogs comes a 909 year old Doctor. Are you keeping up people? 

Our merry band of very possible related persons now have to save the future doctor from the grisly fate of future Doctor, but can't tell him owt for fear of tearing yet another rip in the space time continuum, and wasn't that a pain the behind the last time? Moffat does well to separate the command and control structure where he usually tells them to jump and they ask why and River Song just ignores him. What with the trio plotting behind his back, Matt Smith resorts to the childish , "what's the point in having you all"  if you're not going to look at how amazing I'm being. At last  a spark of the alien egomaniac we all know lurks in every regeneration since William Hartnell got cross over being less than all powerful. 

Roll on to the Oval Office and President Nixon seems pretty cool for a cold war era politician raised on fear and paranoia. I'm surprised the lot of them weren't hoyed off to Area 51 on the spot. ANY ways, we're soon off to Florida and the source of the trouble. The Grey Amy's been seeing but forgetting since nearly the first frame, is now clearly part of a swarm or colony several centuries old. Now the last time such creatures blanked out minds we struggled to remember, this time the mobile phone is recruited in the battle to save Earth yet again. For a murderous race, the Greys are not what you would call scary in the same way Daleks, Cybermen or the Borg are. It's not like I've gotten jaded or used to uglies from outer space nesting in the bowels of the planet plotting dominion over the Human race, some of them still strike instant fear in me and turn me into a quivering bowl of 9 year old boy. This lot however still don't scare me. Like the somewhat ineffectual Sea Devils of old, these may take some time to get a bit of respect. 

And then the credits roll and we have to wait! Well Not quite, there's a lot more that happened , but that as I said before,  goes more to the story of River Song and the Doctor. Amy is pregnant, River fears something worse than her own death. What could be worse than your own death? Watching Don't scare the Hare? Another series of Candy Cabs? ( yes and yes) BBC One Comptroller Mr Cohen has a lot to answer for. In terms of Doctor who, there can only be one thing worse than River's own death and that has to be the death of the Doctor Himself. " Of course it's you, I understand" takes on a whole new meaning, but then again it could be somebody else entirely. So is River Amy, but older? Is River Amy's as yet unborn child? Will Amy's child marry the Doctor and give birth to River? As we know in Gallifreyan biology and family trees, the Hapsburgs would feel right at home and we cannot ignore any of these possibilities. My money is on Amy being River in the future, though that doesn't square with the statement of River's that they are moving in opposite directions.  If  I follow this line of inquiry much further, my brain will hurt and that is not something I need right now. 

Outstanding performances all around but Rory rises to the top of the pile with some strong moments,  I particularly enjoyed Rory as TARDIS orientation officer and funeral director, in both cases he show he could yet be a big player if he doesn't get eaten, dissolved, vaporized or other wise sent off to the old companion's home.One thing that did surprise me  was that while scenes were shot on location in the USA, the British nature of the programme was never in any danger. It's reassuring that despite being the world's greatest power, the Americans still need Brits and an alien to solve their problems. Some things never change eh? Fandom gets an echo with the spoilers banter and Amy fans will be pleased to see how she has become quite the domestic Goddess. I myself am more into the full figured River Song with her curves and barely concealed sexuality. Like the Doctor said, he likes the bad girls, and they don't get any badder than River Song. 

Something my wife said struck a chord with me tonight as well. RTD and to some extent even THe Lord Thy G-d SM have forgotten the Doctor is an Alien. He's been humanised far too much, he's been allowed to become simply eccentric without the acerbic arrogance of a superior being that finds it hard to deal with talking ants or chimps with calculators. In the old days... (here he goes again), Doctors used to get regularly frustrated at the lack of basic education and skill that humans, even from advanced eras, suffered from. Now he seems to have gone so native it's more like he's the 2000 year old man and can only tell tales of what it was like before the invention of the wheel. And when are we finally going to get stories that explore the vast space that is the TARDIS? It's like they've parked in the reference section of the British museum and  refused to  move an inch further. Perhaps If I say it often enough... from my to G-d's ears. G-d works in Cardiff, so it's not long distance like it used to be. Lastly, these Earth bound stories, are all fine and good, but we need more alien planets, more future times and creepy things in bad suits who are never pleased to see the Doctor. I'm not complaining, just wondering when we will reach for the stars again, just asking. 


In short, I loved the series opener, and look forward to many more stories. Keep em coming Mr. Moffat. I trust in your ability to make these things make sense without robbing us of all that suspense and fodder for discussion. Like Deep Thought, you have guided us from crisis to crisis, but please, no long drawn out Seldon plan, don't wait too long to free Gallifrey and return the Universe to normal service. I thank you in advance.

Fezzes are cool The Pandorica Opens part 2

With apologies to Douglas Adams  possibly the funniest man in modern times to touch science fiction.

The Pandorica Opens part2 was everything I expected from the Moff.  Well paced, not entirely incomprehensible once you'd seen it in it's entirety and FUNNY. Moffat is humour , Moffat is the spirit of adventure fused  to the innocence of the by gone serial only ever successfully brought back to life by Indiana Jones.Every few minutes something happens that tugs at your heartstrings only to be replaced by an Abbot and Costello moment funnier than the last. A more cynical person would accuse the writers of writing to formula, but that would be like saying a recipe well done is nothing new. You still like the cake your nan baked even if she's done it a thousand times. This new Doctor finds new ways to keep the story moving using plot devices that engage your mind but don't take your brain for granted. For every question it answers it asks another and answers it. Even the ones that have left you hanging  like what about the shard? and how'd he do that without staying in E-space? Where did that crack come from? get conveniently pushed on the deliciously sexy and dangerously attractive River Song.

The next series is clearly going to be where all that banter between River and the Doctor gets fulfilled. Is she married, is he asking her to? The answer is YESSSS .  And yet you know it can't end well. She tells us it won't. We know there will be an explosion, we feel the invisible hand of the exiled Time Lords working their influence on him them from behind the slo-time envelope. Matt Smith series two will be a CRACKING one.

In one of the best scenes of the episode and not the only one to make you go back to HHGTTG, Rory decides to stay behind and guard the box our Amy is in. There is a combination of complete innocence and love with very real comedy moment that makes you think "the first million years were the worst, then the next million years were ....".  Ghosts of Marvin, the android who waited. Rory unlike most boyfriends in Who 2 , has been given a really respectful and sensitive use in the story arc. He keeps coming back as a dramatic reference point in the life of Amy Pond. Clearly while her imaginary Doctor is the stuff of her dreams, even wet ones judging by the snog she'd like to give the Doctor, she loves Rory and always has. A little  thing like non existence or being turned into an Auton won't stop that.

On the subject of our Amy, that little actress who plays young Amy. I ordinarily cannot abide small children in Doctor Who, it's not a children's programme, not like we imagine them to be these days, but this little girl can travel with the Doctor as often as she wants. This bright little ginger spark Caitlin Blackwood  lit up the screen from the first second she appeared. Inspired casting that could have gone horribly wrong, had us reading books of emotion on her face as she took us in a Madeline sort of trip from the social worker to night at the museum. Poor little girl with no parent in that big old house. The Doctor will take care of her. He loves her. not like he loved Rose, that was the kind of mature, fully explored sensual and sexual love, this is the love of a Father for his daughter, albeit adopted. He even shows up to dance at her wedding. I'm a grown man  but I nearly cried then.

The device of the Pandorica is interesting in and of itself. It fills a number of roles, mysterious puzzle box, bringer of life, back up file storage and representation of the finger of God himself. No one explains where the Pandorica itself came from or who built it. It's just there. all powerful, very mysterious and clearly keyed to the dna of the Doctor and Amy. Part machine part Diety, the Pandorica IS Pandora's box whence springs al lthat is good and all that is evil. For without one the other would not exist. The Pandorica is the creation myth retold for a new generation.

If I had to name a MOTM for the episode ? Hmmm tough call but I'd have to go with little Amelia, she made the whole thing work. she was the glue that bound the main players together. Her scene in the museum with older Amelia and the Daleks later on worked only because little Amelia worked.

On the whole as Paulo Nutinni would say , 10 out of 10.

Yes Vincent I could hear the colours too... Doctor Who has an Art attack

As usual, this blog brought you by my  musical director and his fine radio programme Beat Surrender.

Last post was a bit intense, but that's only because I had to endure an entire week of BGT. But Mietek I can hear you say , you don't HAVE to watch. True, but I was committed to seeing  if Chandi and impressionist Paul would get in. I promise on a stack of Doctor Who Annuals, I won't watch next year...Honest! Irritatingly, I hear from my tweeps/twits/twats at twitter, Simon Cowell has been given a lifetime achievement award at the Telly Baftas, when will the madness end? Didn't see the Baftas, as I was too busy watching England loose on pens to the rest of the world. They had Woody Harrelson and Wayne from Wayne's World. We didn't have a chance. ....As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by myself, ... The alternative, Corrie, had been pulled  two days in, due to the incredibly sad and tragic events in Cumbria and short of watching any number of films I have already seen or given a wide berth the first time around, there wasn't much else on. What with super week on ITV and the World cup starting on the 11th,  no one is willing to put much of anything new until the midle of next month.

There was however at least one massive beautiful, ethereal bright spot on the telly that has me thinking I'll have to watch this at least twice more before I'm completely done drinking in the programme. Doctor Who , in what has to be the stand alone episode  every whovian has to have a copy of and possibly the best ep of the current series, "Vincent and the Doctor", achieved a number of things in the simplest and most poetic outing to date.  I spent a good deal of time admiring the art on display before I got round to soaking in the story itself. The art was not just for show, it was used to demonstrate that all is not as we see it and far more fluid. Brilliant ,sensitively played and written, it did have one slightly disconcerting problem, I had no idea Van Gogh was Scottish ? A detail while somewhat important, I will pass on as on the whole the story was so well done. Not since Rose was forced to not save her father, have the rules of  time been so clearly and simply explained with absolute near irrevocable finality ( except of course when it's one of those times that choices have to be made). You can't change history most times even if you want to, it has a way of  just proving you were supposed to do that in the first place. A lovely self contained story about how life is what it is. If you can't change time, what do you do? You make a sick unhappy persecuted person happy for a short time. The compassion shown in "Vincent" was good advice and an affirmation that like with Nelson Mandella, or a sick person, we have the capacity to make another's life good for a short time or just another extension of Hell. Ask my father if he regrets going through Siberia or my wife's aunt if she would have preferred Not being Dr Mengele's guinea pig? But they survived and had far better lives later on. We as sons, nieces friends and total strangers can choose to contributed to the good times rather than the bad, that even our past tragedies contribute to our future joys, is the message to take from it. Vincent sees that Amy is, despite surface appearances, mourning Rory, she has not forgotten him  and the tragedy of his death will make her do things in her future, more than likely important and most definitively with Galactic implications. In answer to Keith Topping's question, is it Doctor Who? No it's not , it's more Great Bird of the Galaxy at his best. Gene Rodenberry understood that at it's core, life is about how you live it.We are the sum total of our actions and the actions of those around us. Vincent and the Doctor was a metaphor for a troubled time. Choices that will affect the very fabric of time are coming and they will be wrapped up in tiny personal bite size  questions that aren't always obvious at first glance. Was the monster an impediment  or a help? I have a feeling the story would have moved along to the same glorious conclusion without the creature being dispatched with an easel to the chest. One last thing, I'm a bit surprised  by the insensitive talk surrounding Amy and Vincent,. I don't think there should be any impediment for two gingers reproducing. After all Gingers are people too. "Vincent and the Doctor" is destined to be one of those stories that have a life of their own like Arc of Infinity or the Key to Time. So far this series, Doctor Who has been like a big box of mystery chocies, some familiar , some less so, most delicious and maybe one a bit disappointing. I leave it to you to figure out which one that is. Here's a clue..... It had mushy odd tasting Dalek centre..

Here's a treat I know you will all enjoy. Last Thursday Colin Baker was interviewed by BBC Newcastle Radio's own Paddy MacDee. Click on the link and The former Doctor comes in  from about the 29th minute.  better hurry , the link is only good till this Thursday.

Compared to the masterpiece above, Corrie was a bit of a let down. For those paying attention, I had indeed decided to boycott Corrie until after the worst excesses of Km Crowther were history, but a combination of inexorable forces conspired to make us watch this week. First, my wife missed her Corrie, and second it was  the last week of Kim Crowther. It seemed wrong not to watch. Be aware readers that for the first time Corrie is brought to you in glorious HD! Yes now you can see Liz MacDonalds neck better, Kym Marsh can fall out her towel in far greater clarity and Roy Cropper can talk about trains to your face up close. What we did get to see was far more cinematic in feel and editing. Felt like we had walked into the middle part of a Guy Ritchie film, a bad one. Instead of pointing out the incredible age of the street and  the texture of the place as well as playing on the lovely aged interior of the Rover's, they chose to clean up the place too much . Weatherfield should not have looked so bright and clean and another thing, it never once rained. I was disappointed that Sean who seems to be a such a curious person , normally full of information, had only the sketchiest of notions as to the story of the most famous pub on television. The presumably new opening and closing sequences are very pretty, very gadgetty, very.... lets play with the new toy a bit. At least they kept the cat in. Personally, I prefer the old opening and hope this is just temporary. The new superimposing of one bit of dialogue over another  does give it a certain dramatic tension, but frankly speaking it's Corrie, not Lock Stock and two smoking barrels. Corrie is a nice programme in which interesting , fairly normal people live fairly normal lives. The need for such a device past this last week of Kim Crowther's reign seems limited at best. Doctor Who's Phil Collison has a mighty big task ahead of him. How do you film the rest of the series when the previous producer has blown the budget on a monster finale week in which the knicker factory is blown up and a few cast members are rumoured to be killed/sacked. It being the 50th anniversary of the nation's soap,  I suspect Dalek week will have to be postponed, perhaps he could consult with Jeremy Clarkson about working on a shoestring budget. I know, they can always drop a piano on Mad Mary's Camper!

Now in case you weren't ready for the spirit destroying clangers, tragic injuries and bad calls that will almost assuredly plague us during the World cup, BBC3 has a timely reminder to destroy any optimism you may still be harbouring. Two hours of Richard Bacon and Peter Crouch reminding us every ache, pain, bad call and agonizing moments of the last six World Cups. It's all there, bollock stomping, the hand of God, Gazza nearly rapping, wor Michael Owen's ( well he's Man U's now  HAHAHA) leg dissolving before our eyes, Lampard missing the penalty, I  can go on but some of you would rather forget it ever happened. Go on I dare you not to watch, you won't be able to help yourself... World Cup's most shocking moments 

Speaking of rubbish football, did you watch the fat lads kick about for charity? Not a bad match if I do say so myself. Ollie Murs turns out to be a better footballer than a singer and it was nice to see Alan Shearer in full flight. I was annoyed by the presence of one over inflated unfunny omnipresent so called comedian. James Corden was all over the place being his usual well ....annoying self. In case you live under a rock or don't have internet, Corden and Dizzy Rascal have released an official England "song". I say song ,but its just Dizzy  shouting at us into a microphone while Corden does something. They then take tears for fears "Shout" and have a drunken mob sing off key. Do yourself a favour, it's a charity song  right? I'll give you the direct link for the charity and you don't have to listen to this dreck. It's the Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children charity.
Sample lyric, and this is one of the less shit bits.

 “Pull your socks up let’s get physical, We need team work - we don’t need a miracle, We need Rooney in tip top condition, Aaron Lennon down the wing like he’s on a mission, It ain’t no superstition, its not a luck thing, Rio Ferdinand nobody can muck with him!”

PS Rio is out already. Also, a good World Cup song is supposed to be terrace friendly, catchy and have an easy to sing hook. Looks like Vindaloo will do yet again. 

In a complete lurch back to drama, Luther has set up it's finale for next week. Poor Luther over the last two eps has seen Alice "take care" of any problems he may have, only to see his old partner set him up by  apparently killing his wife and making it look like Luther did it. Will he save his reputation, will he and Alice go to a cosy love nest in an insane asylum somewhere in Midsommer? No one can tell, I would bet  they do, but I also said the excellent impressionist would win BGT . 

Staying on a serious note for just a minute, if you missed any of these, watch before it's too late. Part of the Dunkirk programmes.... Dan Snow Tells the story of the Little Ships and in an older special veterans speak of the reality of the retreat in A Soldier's Story.

Graham Norton must be concentrating on his chat show now, because his guests last Monday, Chris Rock ,Joshua Jackson and Diana Vickers seemed to be on top form . Chris Rock was genuinely funny and seemed aware of the format and silliness expected. He was a bit careful at first  but soon opened up and cruised into comfort zone like he'd been on dozens of times. Joshua Jackson the Canadian, seemed so at home I was sure he wasn't just passing through. Looking forward to the truly over the top ep that is surely in the works complete with eccentric guests, odd fashions from the internet and perhaps a new remote control device thar humiliates audience members. Who can forget the the tail wager belt complete with code cards? 

This last week has been a bit of a strange one, we saw the last two iconic cranes at the old Swan Hunter ship yards in Wallsend blown up, a mad taxi driver shot his way through Cumbria and I had to set aside time for someone very close to me who is now awaiting surgery. Sometimes life just steps in and reminds you there is more to life than football or telly. On the bright side, my favourite programmes cleaned up at the TV Baftas.. Thick of it, The Inbetweeners and even Armstrong and Miller, which has it's moments. Particularly like Thick of it writer Armando Iannucci thanking ConDemn co PM Nick Clegg for "for completely destroying our plans for the next series" 

Please check out Pride Radio North-East UK Launching on FM for 28 days from Monday 21st June 2010 until 18th July 2010. They will be announcing their presenter line up very soon and all the details will be at www.prideradio.co.uk or you can have a sneak listen here .  Crakin party music!!!!

Last bit of business, World Cup time, England will surely win, we won't be depressed for a week THIS time, or we might, but we will need to eat. I'm giving you some easy recipes for the World Cup, but you'll need time to get the ingredients for these tasty easy tubs of real food even the most inept person can make . You can thank me later  World's best spinach dip ever , Smoked salmon dip, Blue cheese dip, Dill dip . Spend the money you save on some good beer. 


See you Friday or Saturday , get the provisions in and make sure your flag is hung up in time. Hums Three Lions quietly to himself as he presses POST.

We came DEAD last in EUROVISION and other news from the glowing box

We came in dead last, 10 points, I nearly died laughing with the final indignation of being pushed into absolute bottom of the table by of all countries, Belarus. My mate Stu and my wife were incoherent with laughter. Apart from the shame of finishing behind the worse song in the final, we deserved what we got. My wife used to do stand up comedy, I mention this only as she has had to come on after a stonking  great act that killed. Short of self immolation, there is nothing you can do to look good after some guy has stripped off and shot fire from his arse. Poor Josh had to perform right after the highest octane party piece of the night. Greece OPAe'd the crowd into a dance frenzy only to be equalled later by the French song, he didn't stand a chance.  I feel bad for Josh, he'll have to give back the economy pack of M&S underwear the BBC bought him. Maybe now a guest spot on the washed out Eurovision acts edition of Come Dine with me? He's so old news, even Jordan , real name Katie Price, won't pretend to have an affair with him. 

The reason we did come in last was a vestige of block voting. Belarus, the country who sported butterfly wings and bad phonetically sung English  ( I told you I would remember) had a neighbour give them their douze points, bless em. Arguably the worst act of the night, they ranked below Britain and Ukraine in poor song choice poor singer choice poor costume choice and the resulting mess of previously mentioned choices. And yet they still managed to get more points than Britain. That said, block voting seems to be well and truly dead. Some countries did not get the memo and triggered sporadic booing by giving  the Russian entry that had suicide help lines on red alert, 90 points.  Ireland however preferred voting for good songs and only gave Britain 4 points, seems Eurovision has turned the corner on at least this one big issue. The winner even came from one of the four sponsoring nations, things are looking up.

How did my countries to follow fare?

Greece 8th 140 points
France 12th 82 points
Serbia 13th 72 points
Germany 1st 246 points
Turkey 2nd 170 points
Albania 16th 62 points

Full final results here  Britain voted 8 points for Romania, 10 points for Turkey, and 12 points for Greece.


Some final thoughts on Eurovision before I file it away for another  year. Apologies to Albania, I completely forgot to praise a song that was genuinely good, catchy and worthy of any mainstream radio. Saved the big kvetching for the lowlight reel, the few incidents along the way  that caused us pain or giggles. While not a bumber crop, there were a few moments.  Russia made us want to leave the room and floss our teeth or worse, when he dropped the photo , my only thought was , were they trying to lose? Spain had a mildly amusing pitch invasion. If I'm honest, Daniel Diges managed to carry on as if it was part of the act never missing a beat. Ukraine had a tone deaf girl dressed in Yoda's cowl, who were she not dead fit, was only saved by the ubiquitous wind machine. I couldn't say much about her signing as I had the telly on mute during most of her performance.  Bjork  sang without her trade mark swan dress. Having packed on that much weight and changed her singing style..It does explain why she hasn't been invited to a Brit Awards in a while. Barefoot Georgia was a bit awkward to watch. I still don't understand why she needed help walking from her back up dancers? Maybe if they had worn orthopaedic shoes she could have at least moved around a bit. Graham Norton during the entire proceedings was his usual sarcastic self. At times you almost believed him when he ever so faintly praised Josh Dubovie or was effusive about the butterfly dresses. His best wit  was reserved for some of the jackets "even he wouldn't wear" or the times he took the mickey out of himself for being vapid during an interview with some Eurovision hostess. I missed a lot once the scores came in as myself and Stu were making inappropriate remarks about the ladies  reporting votes from various capitals. Aim for the gutter and you about got it right. You know I'm almost looking forward to next year now.

Graham Norton back at his day job, was up to his old tricks. Last Monday was yet another mostly decent ep, save for the presence of the stunned , dull  disoriented and confused Janet Jackson and her puppet master Tyler Perry. Comedian Marcus Brigstocke and Norton kept the show moving till Python Legend Eric Idle was released from the green room to thunderous applause. He of course should have been there from the beginning as he is in the grand scheme of things, bigger than Janet Jackson. You felt the programme come  to life the moment he stepped onto the altar of chat and took over. Poor Janet looked like she had just been run over by a fast moving train. I know you need the odd American guest, but they should be first made to watch an ep or two before coming on. As for Janet Jackson, the only person more out of it when they were on was Katie Price.

Speaking of mistakes, Last Monday I might have been a tad harsh on J.J. Abrahms. I basically said he needed to have some balls and tell  ABC where to go when they demanded MORE eps than three years worth. I stand corrected. Source of all that is knowable in such things, Kieth "Telly" Topping ( Telly  not his real middle name) informs me of the following.."Basically, the creators sold the show to ABC as a recurring series which had an end to it. Now, writers in that position are onto something of a hiding because, if nobody watches the early episodes, you might have to wrap the whole thing up with very little notice around episode eight! But, on the contrary, if it takes off then the network is likely to want five, six, seven, eight, ten, however many years of miling it. Simple economics of TV, that. Don't kill the oglden goose. What happened with Lost was that sometime around about the middle of season three, Casee and Lindelof realised that every time they wanted to take a step forward in terms of the overall plot, they then had to take a couple sideways (that entire episodes which existed purely to explain where Jack got his exotic tattoo from, is the example they usually cite). So, they approached ABC and said, to the effect, 'we need about fifty episodes from here to finish this so, how about we do two seasons of twenty four episodes and then end it.' ABC reluctantly agreed (since the show still had a pretty big audience) but suggested instead a compromise, three series of sixteen instead of two of twenty four. (In the end, due to a number of exterior factors we got three seasons of fifteen-seventeen-and-eighteen!)".  As I explained somewhere else, I was writing on the basis of media reports at the time of the initial announcement . This bit of news of course makes absolute sense and I thank Keith for the clarification. I stand by my opinion though that it was stretched out too long and would have made more sense without so much filler.

On to more pressing things ..... If you haven't seen Doctor Who this week, please avert your eyes for the following segment.  Part 2 of the Silurian resurrection  was everything I said it would be. Laughter, pain , grief anguish and sarcasm, and that was just the pre Eurovision debate we had before DW came on. Ok I've warned you , from here in  I'm in spoiler land...

The best and the worst of humanity is on display, warriors posture, maternal instincts lead to poor choices, love blossoms, and some memories fade for ever. DW bosses have set up a tasty sequel to take place 1000 years from now. Will humanity be any more inviting to the Silurians than they were this time? will the Silurian's military be just as trigger happy and more interested in "Living space" than sharing the planet with apes? Only the writers know for sure , but I know one thing, it will be classic stuff. I particularly liked the way the way so much sacrifice seems to be for the good, deeply flawed mother becomes teacher of peace and cooperation , lover becomes a bridge between the races. Lastly....... Amy looses Rory for good, not only is he killed, but he is lost to the rift in time. Amy strugles to remember him , but it's pretty clear for now that he's gone. Last time a companion death made me feel that bad, Adric was taken from us. Unlike Mickey, remember Mickey? Rose's ex? ... the gormless one ? No nothing?  Mickey gets shipped off to Torchwood where he marries Martha and fights aliens. Not the glorious death that will be stuff of legend and song is it? Rory will be missed by many , but not by the writers who had to figure a way to dodge the bullet of the wedding the next day before Amy signed on board the Tardis. I have saved the best for last though. The famous rift in time, the one that keeps swallowing up whole people and otherwise indestructible monsters, just got more complicated and tragic. As a fan I cannot help but think that there will be an end time for something. Perhaps the Doctor himself or the Tardis, which of course is far worse. We are used to the idea of new faces, new costumes, but the notion of our beloved knackered old type 40 Tardis one day being junked in a tragic act of supreme sacrifice to save the universe, is too much to bear. I predict a Facebook save the Tardis campaign, many letters to Ofcom and a silly editorial in the Guardian wondering what the fuss is all about.

In the perhaps it's too early to laugh department, I heard this gem from a fellow poster at Gallifrey Base.

Quote Arn....I can't see what anyone could get upset about with tonight's Who. After all a stiff Rory's been up Amy's crack plenty of times before.

Where do you go from that bit of crassness?  Why Britain's got talent of course. This programme makes Eurovision look like Royal Shakespeare. Best bits from Saturday  had to be the strange Ali Baba who did some spectacular Slavic and Turkish dancing. Pity Big Top Amanda only seems to know street dance and Michael Jackson impersonation. One hopes she doesn't get asked to judge on Strictly. Ali Baba stormed off in a huff of Mediterranean passion leaving his "friend" he met on hols in the lurch. Strange man , strange relationship. The other strange bit of casting was putting through the Michael Jackson miming pig as well as the truly awful Madonna drag queen. Truth be told, the pig was better.  Mercifully, the top 40 selection has trimmed away the vast majority of street dance troupes and left a decent amount of drag acts , freaks, singers acrobats and  assorted "other ones" .  Now it's BGT and Corrie giving us a full week of drama , pathos and utter shite, still not sure who will deliver what .

My father being a veteran who travelled with the British 8th corps ( in the polish Karpacka Brygada) has told me many stories about the miracle of Dunkirk. You need to watch Dunkirk :The story behind the legend BBC. An eye opening investigation in perhaps the most important action in World War 2 in the spring of 1940.  If you will allow me this one moment of sentimentality. Take the time to get to know your parents and grandparents. Learn the story of their sacrifices while they can still tell you. Our way of life for better or ill , is what it is because of them. If you've lost yours, make friends with somebody else's grandparents.

Now if you like Time Team or the Story of Science, you might think History Cold Case on BBC2 was worth catching. Don't bother. Where Time Team would have come to some  fairly accurate conclusion in about 6 minutes , Cold Case is still hemming and hawing 45 minutes in. It's Science for dummies dressed in a lot of pretty gimmicks. Don't wast your time. Another waste of time had to be Question Time. Alistair Campbell was told to piss off or the new ConDemn coalition was going to boycott. How very democratic, on second thought here is the link . BTW Paul saw you in Tower blocks and Togas, have you still got that leather jacket?

A few quick links Child of our time personality test  is compelling and is far from over, take the test.  Jonathan Dimbleby started an absorbing voyage across Africa . Looking through the various Players, I've found this to pass the time if there aren't any compelling programmes this week. Blackadder rides again, and Trafalgar: Battle surgeon  It's the only programme on the subject that ever mentioned that there were women on board the Victory. If all else fails, rent Life on Mars or dig out your Sweeney tapes.

On a different note, I'd like to suggest you have fun with a hand whisk this week, unplug the magimix , and make a pavlova or meringue. Takes me the same amount of time and I have more control than any magimix ever gave me.   Or get yourself a pastry cutter, canny for blending butter and other things in a pie dough ,again ditch the magimix, the moment the dough happens is special. Jamie does the Pyrennes had  a great recipe for a warm summer salad. We had it today and will keep it as a regular on the menu now.

Blog brought to you by Nick Robert's Beat Surrender on listen again,  this week's a great alternative to Eurovision. Get ready for the World Cup by taking Keith Topping's World Cup Trivia . Till next Monday then!