The God Complex or Mrs Williams figures it out

Keep your hats on people. It isn't as bad as it looks. I have it on good word straight from the convention floor, that Karen Gillan isn't leaving Doctor Who any time soon. If anything, she and Arthur Darvill are going to be in the 50th anniversary programme and probably at least till the conclusion of the Amy/River/Doctor story. That said, tonight's ep wasn't about how many eps are left for the Williams family, it was about Amy waking up once and for all to the stark truth that her life is with Rory and always has been. Poor man, he truly is the boy who waited. Maybe finally he'll get a bit of respect from his wife?

The God Complex opens in the prototypical endless corridor set with danger behind every door, a breathless young woman who wears the same clothes Amy did when first we met the adult Amy, is trying to survive what is clearly going to get her. Enter the Tardis three and the running and the screaming begins. Except that it's not all just a bit of jogging before dying a grisly death in some Godforsaken hell that's easy and cheap to film in, (though in this case, I'm sure it is and so saves the BBC a lot of money). The story settles down pretty quickly and we find out we're in a place with no way out ( hums Hotel California to himself), and that other guests have first , been made to face their worst fear, then having been sufficiently scared senseless, they fall prey to the thing that wants them to "Praise Him". As stories go, Moffat has yet again gone back to the roots of Doctor Who, The Doctor is an ancient time traveller and yet again he's knee deep in space and time kaka. No one wants to take over the world or the Universe, it's a nice closed door mystery where with luck, enough of the cast will survive to the end credits to find out what fiend is trying to kill them.

The use of doors to hide a multitude of other peoples fears is a fun excuse to trot out the usual suspects that keep us from falling asleep or getting things done. Mum always preferred the other child, you could never be good enough for your father, you're a geek and can't pull and sexy girls mock you, then you add the clowns, the monsters and the call back villains from past eps and Doctors, and you have a  real fun park of pant soiling  nasties designed put a smile on your face, long as it's not your own personal fear that is. I would of liked some slightly more adult fears like telesales people flogging The Jerusalem Post to members of the EDL,  erectile dysfunction, Graham Norton being told he's got Katie Price, Jedward, Chloe Mafia, and the entire cast of The Only Way  is Essex , the horror of being Linda Lusardi post op,  a WI lady seeing her sponge fall during a competition or an Al Queda   having some nutter in the US claim 9/11 was all a government plot and NOT his work.  Room 11, which appears to be the Doctor's room, seemed to have the worst of the lot. What could possibly scare the Doctor,. a being so old he's been to the  Big Bang Burger Bar at least 5 times and knows the floor show personally? Room 11 we find out contains what Matt Smith reacts to with " Of course, who else". What horror is supposed to fill him with dread? Jedward? Catherine Tate? the TARDIS check engine light, or maybe all those years he spent looking like Colin Baker. We'll never know, but it will be fun prying that nugget from Steven Moffat. My personal theory, borne out of later dialogue and previous times when he's had to struggle, is the deep guilt The Doctor feels for the ruined lives, death and dislocation he has caused over the millennia. As they say in Rocky Horror, time is fleeting, madness takes control. Sometimes with dire consequences. Playing God can be prety harrowing , but clearly not as harrowing as the thing would like, because The Doctor is never troubled enough to succumb. Why should he, he's nearly eternal and knows that in the end. there are few perfect choices, just bad and worse ones . No  need to beat himself up too much about it.

Good Bye Amy?

But he does come to a startling conclusion later, startling only if you haven't been paying attention for the last few months. Amy, since she was a wee lass  has been admiring and building up the Doctor as an infallible thing that will never let her down, she's even constructed a fantasy where she has the Doctor all to herself in every way possible. Meanwhile, and since she was Amelia, poor Rory has been straggling along in her wake like a sad puppy. Thing is, since about just before Pandorica, Rory has  come into himself a lot more and asserted himself many times, most recently In Let's kill Hitler. Sadly Amy has till now failed to notice that she was always first in his book. I think the penny really started to fall in The Girl who waited. Amy, young Amy and older Amy  pin their hopes on the Doctor, but it's Rory who really saves her, chooses her. not the Doctor. Tonight in breaking the faith of Amy in him, he sets her free, finally allowing Amy to see the invisible man whose always been there for her. His last act of the play is most telling, never in the history of Who has a companion ever come back long term to the TARDIS after going home like that. On Corrie it's a cab or bus off the cobbles , on Who it's the TARDIS to your house on Earth. Except this time, the Doctor has even thrown in a flash car for Rory, a Chelsea house for Amy and the adventure Amy fears to make, the one where she stays at home and has a life with Rory. You have to wonder if even this mallet over the head will stick, we'll have to see. Amy is stubborn, but even a mule eventually sees sense and moves in the direction  it's asked to.  I certainly hope so, much as one loves Amy and Rory, their time will have to come an end one way or another.

Supporting cast in God Complex were strong as well. David Walliams was brilliant as the cowardly Gibbis  and I enjoyed the asian girl who seemed most on top of the game, Amara Karan playing Rita, would have been a most competent and acceptable companion for the Doctor except for the tiny complication of her death. Rita at one point even seemed a bit too much in control and had me wondering if maybe after all, the Minotaur wasn't the principle villain  but her .  As it is, she proved to be the bridge to the solution. Faith, any faith, faith in a Diety, in one's skills, one's class, one's mentor, all of them were bad, in fact edible. I think I'll risk holding onto my faiths despite the risk of meeting up with a relative of the Nimon. Faith keeps us going when all else fails, it make us do incredible things against all odds and it keeps us sane when evidence would normally indicate we should just give up trying what ever it is we're on about. In my case I'll continue to have faith in Newcastle United, the belief my cat will listen to me, and that the BBC will pay me to write for them.before I get fitted for a free bus pass. It's faith in my friends, the success of other previously hard working but unknown writers who are now overnight sensations, and the knowledge that there is no accounting for the choices of programmes that get commissioned these days that keep us sane and focused. Where was I?  Ah yes supporting cast. They filled out the story nicely and were essential to the ticking along of the story, unlike the frankly silly curse of the Black Spot with it's arghing and pointless posturing. Nothing was wasted in this outing not even the dummies in the dining room. Great throw away lines likes resistance is exhausting, reminded one that you need to laugh at the universe or it will get you. Walliams in particular did well not to draw on any of the Little Britain stuff and showed he can stretch himself past his admittedly large catalogue characters. I hope he's back for more. The monster, a relative of the Nimon was equally good, not your one dimensional beast that roars and destroys, it's a complex being that to has it's needs and wants to be released from it's eternal cycle of trapping and killing.

And it's here that we meet the Doctor of old, RTD would have skirted the issue, but not Moffat, The Doctor , not for the first time or the last in the ep, kills something for it's own good. And presto, there was the big surprise. From the opening scene you're screaming , Castrovalava, The Matrix, it can't be real, well you're right. It's a holodeck right off of Star Trek. Gene Rodenberry would of been proud of the story. The poor beast related to the Nimon is now free and the Universe a little safer for a while.

So why ruin it all and mention James Corden? I suppose armed with a script not improvised by him , he's ok, but I still needed a second to adjust. Maybe they'll have him die a horrible death at the hands of the Cybermen? Perhaps the Doctor will, in a scene that will be cheered in many homes, strand him on a planet where they eat unfunny motivational speakers in trakies. We can always dream.

Have you noticed what the new lead in is now? Celebrity Masterchef, yes a load of bad cooks who were famous for a few minutes for sometimes the most incredibly red tab reasons in the book. The first four have proved mostly useless in the kitchen, except maybe for the man off Holyoaks, he's ok. The rest would be hard pressed to make an impression at a cheap surf and turf restaurant. Which of course they were sent to. Jaunty Road and Greg Wallace could never have been allowed near a proper eatery with this crowd.. One filleted herself, another made the most appalling combinations of flavours and yet another had the pallet of 6 year old who'd never eaten anything outside of KFC and his mam's cooking. Next batch up aren't much better if we're to judge by the low light reel they use to promote next week. And in case you were wondering where it was during the week? Not in it's normal evening slot, but buried deep in  afternoon telly land.  I suppose it's where it belongs, Linda Lusardi who's had so much work on her, she needs to live on the shopping channel to pay for it all is a celebrity because of the  her "body" of work. I googled her old picks, very nice, but seeing her now is like stabbing yourself repeatedly while looking at fit naked women. It just doesn't work. The Blonde woman who sells lingerie, another person who's famous more in the way Ann Summers is than say Lilly Allen, is another hapless murderer of food. I'm not sure who the other alleged celebs are, but I do hope we get a better class of famous people soon or the show is doomed. Some proper actors , a few singers, a politician who's not been retired 20 years or maybe even the food critic at the Gruniad would be nice,  but I somehow doubt it.

If you're looking for a good dose of fun, well written telly, check out on ITV1 the new Doc Martin , just as fresh as ever and no let up in the quality of the stories and scripts. Martin (Martin Clunes) and Louisa (Caroline Catz) are back in Portwenn for another akward slice of life in Cornwall. . It's good , watch it !

Laters all , please don't forget to try Beat Surrender, follow the links on the right.

Masterchef The Professionals: Finals week part one

Before we start, I think it's time we took a longer look at the contestants left standing and come to a few conclusions. Claire Lara of Liverpool, she is currently a tutor at Liverpool Community College. John Calton of South Shields works at the Duke of Wellington pub, in Newton, Northumberland. And lastly Dave Coulson of Wingate, head chef at the Eden Castle Inn, in Hartlepool. All fine chefs who deserve to take the title of Masterchef Professional 2010. Despite the fact that most of the cooking is taking place in that London, it's clear from the number of Northerners who applied and who ultimately lasted till the very end, that London is no longer the belly button of British cookery it thinks it is. Between rustic traditional cooks like the Hairy Bikers and the number of restaurants featured on Ramsay's best Restaurant  this year and last, on top of the finalists of Masterchef, the North of England and particularly the North East have risen in stature. Some Southern media may be surprised and think the North East is punching above it's weight, but that's just them not being aware food of any quality is cooked north of a tank of petrol from London. In fact the region is a culinary gem that now seems to be getting the attention it so richly deserves.

Read Part two and how the winner got there 

Masterchef Professionals Finals week starts with a visit from Pierre Hermé renowned pastry chef.  A demi-G-d of patisserie Greg tells us opportunities don't get bigger than this. He'll have to take it easy on the hyperbole, as you'll see the calibre of challenges ahead is headier and headier.  This go around our trio have to emulate three of Chef Hermé's classic pastries.

John has to make Tarte Vanille. For this one there are three different kinds of vanilla used to create the unique flavour. 

Claire, Emulsion Magnifique, 7 pages of recipe dear readers, for one pastry. That's a lot of work.

And David Desiré Composition

All of these involve an immense amount of skill for each component and assembly. For the judging, helping out will be Cherish Finden from the Langham and Heston Blumenthal's own pastry point man James Petrie. Surely a heavy hitter line up of people to impress as well as the creator of the dishes himself. From here in the cooking will have to be flawless.

John's pastry was not even close to standard and parts were runny and the glaze had not set. Sadly, yet again, John was beset by timing issues. Despite all this, it tasted great.

Claire declared her entire dish very fiddly but succeeded so well that Chef Pierre declared "I could sell it like this in my shop".

David's work looked perfect  but was a bit over baked, however his layers were even and well put together. Good for a 1st ever attempt.

Back at Masterchef HQ it was time to create a trio of desserts for Greg and Chef Roux.

Claire produced a  crumble that had Greg in ecstasy just looking at it, a divine rhubarb jelly and a crème patisserie...  Her string of brilliant cooking continued with another clean sheet of results.

David surprised by making his mam's own banana bread but also dipped in butterscotch sauce for extra kick, his chocolate Crème Brulée  had not set so it was runny  but tasty, lastly his chocolate crème patisserie  was elegant and near 100% faultless.

John who made a massive attack of chocolate started with a perfect fondant followed by a mouse described as nearly like a truffle, ending with a devilish white chocolate soup that was brilliant and imaginative. Dropping all pretence, Greg was unable to hide his delight at the food he wanted to have all to himself.

And so now on to Copenhagen, Denmark and  the best restaurant in the world. NOMA , opened in 2004, taking it's current title from previous holder, Heston Blumenthal's Fat Duck. It's philosophy is based on the notion of Nordic foraging based cuisines that are seasonal and local. Chef René Redzepi prides himself on plates of food that show the connection between nature and the plate of food, he'll be expecting the same from our finalists, looking for a reflection of how the food looked in nature. Remember what I said about fine dining in the last article? I would eat this food with delight and be prepared to pay the asking price. Here is a concept I can wrap my head around. Before Claire, John and David can cook a single thing they are taken on a foraging expedition  to discover the hidden treasure that grows in plain site. Along with the treasures they collected, they are expected to cook a white perch.

John cooked the fish two ways, pan fried and in a tartar (I would know it as gefilte fish). While Chef René liked both dishes, he did not think they belonged on the same plate. In fact he suggested he would consider putting the pan fried on the menu it was that good.

Claire prepared the fish pickled in vinegar and a salad of wild flowers. Described as delicious fish  that was refreshing and juicy, Claire was rightly pleased with herself.

David created fish poached in butter with wild flowers. I t looked nice , was well cooked even  having lovely crispy skin. The only element that didn't work was the ground elder. Close to perfection, it was clean and direct.

Day 2 dawned and our finalists were told they would each have to cook a starter and a main from the menu for the some of the best chefs in Denmark and selected NOMA regulars. Unlike a lot of restaurants, NOMA chefs have to finish plating the food in front of guests. For already nervous David and shy Claire, this may prove too much.

John was assigned the bone marrow starter with a Danish pork neck main. Greg Wallace and Chef Roux declared his cooking exquisite.

Claire got the King crab and leek in which ash is used as a spice and a main of Pike perch with celeriac Truly amazing said our judges.

David made the Tartar of beef with wood sorrel, a signature dish, and Arctic Muskox served with beetroot and bone marrow sauce. Were moved to exclaim he had done brilliantly well.

As for the Danish chefs and regulars, with few exceptions, they thought the food coming out of the kitchen was entirely up to standard and mostly could not be differentiated from the regular kitchen staff. If one was to sum up now before we got back to London, Claire was still marginally ahead of her two other rivals, but only just so. All three produced fine dining quality food of the first order and could easily have have been just as valid choices for winner should the contest have stopped now. As it is there was still plenty of road between the chefs and the final decision.

On returning to London, Greg and Michel set one more invention test to see what our hopefuls had learned. 2 hours and the usual choice of fresh ingredients most of us can only dream of.

Claire made a starter of Red Mullet and Spider Crab with fennel. It looked nice, her seasoning was spot on, stunning , a complete dish of Michelin star quality.  She then presented roast rump of Hogget while full of bags of flavour, it was chewy as the Hogget was rushed.

John cooked Pan fried scallops with a quail egg and fresh peas.  great combo, but his peas should have been removed form the skin.  His main of Roast breast of Duck and Duck sausage tasted great but was scruffy looking as it had been piled on in a heap. Yet again timing issues had affected his cooking and plating cost him and otherwise tasty well presented dish.

Lastly David made Confit Salmon that was light, elegant and well cooked. A touch of NOMA said Michel.  His Main was Lamb en croute with wild garlic, morels and broccoli. While the lamb was a bit overdone, Michel paid David the greatest compliment by saying he had learned something today. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant said Greg.

If we had trouble finding daylight between the the three in Denmark, it had just gotten even harder. Even now I'm hard pressed to tell you with absolute confidence who I think should win.  Later tonight we'll find out and may the best chef win.

EDIT: The Winner was Claire Lara, details soon as I finish the review! 

Catch up the entire series of Masterchef Professionals here.

Try the recipes from the entire series posted by chef 

Gently Evil: Inspector George Gently returned Sunday evening

What could I say about Inspector George Gently? I could bang on about the scenery, I could bang on about the extensive use of Newcastle and area locations, I could even say something about the portrayal of the Geordie Nation in this film, But I won't. Suffice to say that as efforts go, this was among the best in recent times. If you watch this to play spot the landmark, you'll be too busy being drawn into the story to notice.

Peter Flannery has written a story that does so much more than show us 1966, he has entwined the personal  story of John Bacchus and George Gently with the heinous crimes committed so much , that you know you need to look at your own relations with your children and how your choices will inevitably impact your children. That the evil Agnes is deranged and a threat too serious to be allowed free in normal society is beyond doubt. That she was driven to this by her own Mother and Grandfather is equally clear. That such people exist we cannot deny, Mr.Fritzel is only the latest example of the aberration that can strike in otherwise normal families. As the case sheds it's secrets, you realize just how much we want to believe we could turn in our own if they were indeed depraved and sick like Agnes, yet her own Father, Grandmother and Uncle feared for her and feared her so much, that they were prepared to lie for her. 

It would have been easy to believe her Father was just a jealous man pushed over the edge, it would have been equally easy to tar the Uncle as a paedophile and a mental deviant. And yet the truth was so much darker. Agnes was beyond knowing or caring that what she did was wrong, or that she was hurting people, for her it was just a game, far more innocent than any played by Grandad and her Mam. The fact the justice system was able in 1966, despite a bit of Gene Hunt interrogation, or because of it, get to the bottom the case and avoid any further deaths, demonstrates that the truth is justice. Without it, Agnes would not have been put away and the whole sick tragedy might have gone on longer. Crime investigation is not a game you play where the prosecutors and the defence seek to outwit each other, they are officers of the court charged to insure we are safe from danger and that the innocent are not wrongly detained for the sake of a quick closing of a file. 

I do feel compelled to praise the writer for some interesting symbolism. The Image of the heartless and efficient Dalek is conjured by the audio clip off the telly and the fact Agnes herself refers to them in showing herself to be a mad  child who sees no harm in what she does. Daleks take their actions as the just retribution on lesser beings in the same way  Agnes feels the children should also know what it's like to be invisible and unloved.  Poor Bacchus can't help but wonder if his own daughter is next as victim or worse as cold and unloved child who will be scarred for life by his inability to interact with her and through the actions of authority figures who cannot and will not see past legal proceedings that she is a child who needs the attention of both her parents. When a child is treated as a prize or a cause to be fought over rather than a child, you will always on a lesser scale show that child only that he or she is only as important as the points you score. Which of course is the other layer of symbolism that ask us to choose between doing what's best for society or what's best for your career or your solve rate. 


I would be remiss if I didn't single out the young actress who played Agnes for high praise.  From the first time you meet her, you have a feeling she's not all there, but you can't put your finger on it. As the story progresses, Natalie Garner slowly unveils a deeply twisted dark mind through the kind of acting you might expect from a much older actresses. When she first is shocked at getting wrong for just playing with some children, you know she's lying, but the little bell going off in your head earlier is now screaming she's done it, is still tempered by the remote possibility it wasn't her. Is it hard to play crazy? Ask David Tenant who took barking mad to a whole new level earlier in the year in Hamlet. Ask a young actress to do this, and you know you have a future great talent on your hands. See  Gently Evil again on the iPlayer before part 2 airs. PS, for those of you within listening distance of BBC Radio Newcastle, have a nosey at our Paddy MacDee's pic and that of  George Gently.  


By comparison, Merlin was a Vogon bad level 7 abomination. The FX let me down and the story was even too silly for my wife who still defended the camp nature of Merlin as late as last week end. Can a programme get any worse? Clearly Merlin has. Nothing about the story was convincing plausible or remotely entertaining. At one point before we turned off entirely about 15 or 20 minutes in, my wife joined me in the kitchen to help me clean pots..... she hates washing dirty pots with a passion. I know some of you enjoy this so called popcorn for the mind, but we won't be subjecting ourselves to it again. And for the record, yet again the poorly cast and ill conceived Gwen was almost as invisible as a minister at question time the day after he's been accused of paying for rent boys. 


Speaking of rubbish, if the best buzz X factor can produce is an overly tangoed alleged prostitute named Chloe Mafia, you know the franchise has gone to the dogs. Somebody please put it out of it's misery before some no talent inflicts another eminently forgettable single on us at Christmas time.  More on the Christmas number one in later posts, we should be prepared to fight back and I fully expect at least a half dozen plots to emerge on Face Book. My personal favourites would be Ernie the Milkman or Long haired Lover from Liverpool.

Thank God for Qi XL on Saturdays or there might be nothing worth watching till Strictly returns in a few weeks. Sue Perkins was a hoot and should be on more often. Highlights included an entire exchange on the subject of creepy handshakes, the entire panel brushing tribbles to prove you cannot comb a hairy ball and a most bizarre conversation about bleeding noses. Bill Bailey and company did not disappoint but I must admit to an irrational fear that the BBC might make some excuse or another to pre empt or ignore the far superior XLs in favour of some allegedly important athletic event we must all see. Qi Xl is far and away better than the Friday version, and watching both, is for me a waste of my time. Why don't they just expand the programme to XL and be done with it.


Well at least Monday night beckons with the return of Master Chef: Professional and the next exciting instalment of Spooks ....The less said about the week end's football the better, but I will say I hope James Perch will be a thing of the past come January. 


I will leave you with these wise words from Douglas Adams 


"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."