It was the salmon mousse! Masterchef, Spooks and Gently

It was the salmon mouse that done in the Scot who showed no respect for the fish. Masterchef: The  Professionals kicked the week off with a cracking half hour in which we saw three truly gifted chefs and hatchet man. Scary Monica  flolloped and vollued* in amazement at the hopefuls as they made mousse.  County Durham David nearly lost the plot but was saved by being less rubbish than the portly John. This left Claire who teaches cooking and is married to a French chef, David and full of himself but in actual fact rather good Kevin. One hopes Kevin learns to curb the self love a bit, nobody likes a twat, even if he is good at what he does. Next step was the dreaded Chef Michel test, Cherry Duck from the same hand that gave us Duck a l'orange. What do you do when all three cooks produce a near faultless plate of food on Masterchef? Why you make the cooks and the viewers sweat till ..... I could tell you , but I won't, if you're a fan you know what's coming if you're not, just watch, it's worth it. Of the three who got past the Salmon mousse, I like the fat lass Claire, she clearly LOVES food, she worships it like some people do art or a perfectly bent ball on a corner. Claire is a contender for getting all the way to the finals, I know because of the way Michel Roux smiled at her. The other one who is going to go far is boastful Kevin, he genuinely does know what he's doing and starts with a fairly high base level of knowledge, but then this IS The Professionals after all.  Durham David ( I have a soft spot for him) has so much potential in him if he can only conquer the nerves, at one point Chef Roux was sure he would slice a finger off or something worse. One wishes him luck and hopes he gets past the nerves. Small warning to children, Gregg Wallace has an orgasm at the end of the ep whilst eating duck. I hope the refrigerator full of puddings at home wasn't watching, the row after that would be spectacular. As always, Masterchef The Professionals keeps the tension and the excitment going. Yes I know it's a cookery show, but by G-d it's good.

Next up was Spooks for the main. MI5 are embroiled in a plot that tests the very limit of the fragile relationship between old enemies and asks the question, Can we be friends with a regime out of need, even if we don't like their methods? How do we balance the needs of small sovereign nations against the gtreater good of World security? With great difficulty and lying to each other is how of course. It's the old Bulgarian question all over again. BTW if you're playing along, the new fake country invented by Spooks is Azakhstan, not much of an effort is it? Can you remind us of the other perhaps more creative fakes they've come up with? The other game to play this series is who will end up in the end of series body bag? We have heavy odds on Lucas, but Beth is just as likely. Based solely on tonight's ep, even Harry Pearce is not immune from the guessing game. And as much as we all want Lucas to be happy, we know the rules, he cannot be allowed to hold on to Maya and bliss, great twist in the Lucas arc that is playing itself out to what one hopes is a spectacular finale at series end.

And lest we forget, Inspector George Gently: Peace and Love, brought us back to the safe ground of normal detective fare. A nice uncreepy and normal murder surrounded by intrigue and scandal at a University. One of the highlights of the ep is the gem of a scene during which Martin Shaw interrogates a man with a thick Geordie accent and Lee Ingleby translates for him. Straight out of Bananas. Being set in 1966ish, Gently and company stick their toes into a revisit of the Peace and Love movement and all that entails. . It's interesting to note that the big issues haven't changed all that much and universities are still intellectually free floating islands of social experimentation with sometime little or no connection to real life and practical day to day problems. It's when those worlds collide as they did in this story that you test the veracity and honesty of the principal players and their ideals. I cannot honestly say, regardless of how often one says it, that free love ever worked, at the end of the day women want commitment and men want certainty. The lefty proff is ultimately undone by the very base instincts he abhors and the very values he hates end up defending the innocent. As for the lovely lady professor who also betrays her own rigid ideals in so many ways, she is proof that even in the 60's, the idea of the ultra feminists rang hollow and sounded more dogmatic than practical. . She epitomized the very worse of the castrated woman who believed as late as the naughties, that a child is a disease and a anchor on womankind. Even the Peace movement comes in for a bit of bash as we realize that any kind of fanaticism leads to abuse and crimes as great as the injustice one is combating.  As a political animal, I am reminded yet again that Uni is where you pretend to dable in politics, but party politics is where you play with the big boys and girls. No amount of chanting ever accomplished more than the breakage of public and private property. While some protest is never bad, it's what you do with the momentum of it in practical politics that matters. The last highlighted issue was gay rights. Threaded through the piece, you see how much some things have changed and yet others frankly haven't. If you were looking for one word to sum up the underlying theme of the ep, it's hypocrisy. The hypocrisy of the feminists who purified themselves of every last once of humanity, the free love advocates who thought they could live without consequences, the hypocrisy that heterosexuals were free to  love each other but not homosexuals, the luxury leftists who loved the working man as a whole, but not it's component parts.The hypocrisy of the ultra idealists of any kind who were to crash and burn in later years faced with practical situations and the reality  that not all that was old was bad.

This gives me the excuse to be dead proud of my wife, who's blog Retro home tips, was recently featured as one of the best political blogs by Britblogs. In her featured article she put forth the principles that underpin the so called third wave of feminists. It's the old and well established 1st and 2nd wavers who take issue the most, as they have consistently kept on telling women what is good and what is bad , but have not stopped to ask them or for that matter, listen to them. Please read this and pass it on, were it up to orthodox feminist sites, these and words like them would never see the light of day. The truth however is that  young women have evolved far past the rigid anti male vision of some radical feminists still out there.

* flollop and vollue from "Life, the Universe, and Everything", Douglas Adams. Something a mattress does

Gently Evil: Inspector George Gently returned Sunday evening

What could I say about Inspector George Gently? I could bang on about the scenery, I could bang on about the extensive use of Newcastle and area locations, I could even say something about the portrayal of the Geordie Nation in this film, But I won't. Suffice to say that as efforts go, this was among the best in recent times. If you watch this to play spot the landmark, you'll be too busy being drawn into the story to notice.

Peter Flannery has written a story that does so much more than show us 1966, he has entwined the personal  story of John Bacchus and George Gently with the heinous crimes committed so much , that you know you need to look at your own relations with your children and how your choices will inevitably impact your children. That the evil Agnes is deranged and a threat too serious to be allowed free in normal society is beyond doubt. That she was driven to this by her own Mother and Grandfather is equally clear. That such people exist we cannot deny, Mr.Fritzel is only the latest example of the aberration that can strike in otherwise normal families. As the case sheds it's secrets, you realize just how much we want to believe we could turn in our own if they were indeed depraved and sick like Agnes, yet her own Father, Grandmother and Uncle feared for her and feared her so much, that they were prepared to lie for her. 

It would have been easy to believe her Father was just a jealous man pushed over the edge, it would have been equally easy to tar the Uncle as a paedophile and a mental deviant. And yet the truth was so much darker. Agnes was beyond knowing or caring that what she did was wrong, or that she was hurting people, for her it was just a game, far more innocent than any played by Grandad and her Mam. The fact the justice system was able in 1966, despite a bit of Gene Hunt interrogation, or because of it, get to the bottom the case and avoid any further deaths, demonstrates that the truth is justice. Without it, Agnes would not have been put away and the whole sick tragedy might have gone on longer. Crime investigation is not a game you play where the prosecutors and the defence seek to outwit each other, they are officers of the court charged to insure we are safe from danger and that the innocent are not wrongly detained for the sake of a quick closing of a file. 

I do feel compelled to praise the writer for some interesting symbolism. The Image of the heartless and efficient Dalek is conjured by the audio clip off the telly and the fact Agnes herself refers to them in showing herself to be a mad  child who sees no harm in what she does. Daleks take their actions as the just retribution on lesser beings in the same way  Agnes feels the children should also know what it's like to be invisible and unloved.  Poor Bacchus can't help but wonder if his own daughter is next as victim or worse as cold and unloved child who will be scarred for life by his inability to interact with her and through the actions of authority figures who cannot and will not see past legal proceedings that she is a child who needs the attention of both her parents. When a child is treated as a prize or a cause to be fought over rather than a child, you will always on a lesser scale show that child only that he or she is only as important as the points you score. Which of course is the other layer of symbolism that ask us to choose between doing what's best for society or what's best for your career or your solve rate. 


I would be remiss if I didn't single out the young actress who played Agnes for high praise.  From the first time you meet her, you have a feeling she's not all there, but you can't put your finger on it. As the story progresses, Natalie Garner slowly unveils a deeply twisted dark mind through the kind of acting you might expect from a much older actresses. When she first is shocked at getting wrong for just playing with some children, you know she's lying, but the little bell going off in your head earlier is now screaming she's done it, is still tempered by the remote possibility it wasn't her. Is it hard to play crazy? Ask David Tenant who took barking mad to a whole new level earlier in the year in Hamlet. Ask a young actress to do this, and you know you have a future great talent on your hands. See  Gently Evil again on the iPlayer before part 2 airs. PS, for those of you within listening distance of BBC Radio Newcastle, have a nosey at our Paddy MacDee's pic and that of  George Gently.  


By comparison, Merlin was a Vogon bad level 7 abomination. The FX let me down and the story was even too silly for my wife who still defended the camp nature of Merlin as late as last week end. Can a programme get any worse? Clearly Merlin has. Nothing about the story was convincing plausible or remotely entertaining. At one point before we turned off entirely about 15 or 20 minutes in, my wife joined me in the kitchen to help me clean pots..... she hates washing dirty pots with a passion. I know some of you enjoy this so called popcorn for the mind, but we won't be subjecting ourselves to it again. And for the record, yet again the poorly cast and ill conceived Gwen was almost as invisible as a minister at question time the day after he's been accused of paying for rent boys. 


Speaking of rubbish, if the best buzz X factor can produce is an overly tangoed alleged prostitute named Chloe Mafia, you know the franchise has gone to the dogs. Somebody please put it out of it's misery before some no talent inflicts another eminently forgettable single on us at Christmas time.  More on the Christmas number one in later posts, we should be prepared to fight back and I fully expect at least a half dozen plots to emerge on Face Book. My personal favourites would be Ernie the Milkman or Long haired Lover from Liverpool.

Thank God for Qi XL on Saturdays or there might be nothing worth watching till Strictly returns in a few weeks. Sue Perkins was a hoot and should be on more often. Highlights included an entire exchange on the subject of creepy handshakes, the entire panel brushing tribbles to prove you cannot comb a hairy ball and a most bizarre conversation about bleeding noses. Bill Bailey and company did not disappoint but I must admit to an irrational fear that the BBC might make some excuse or another to pre empt or ignore the far superior XLs in favour of some allegedly important athletic event we must all see. Qi Xl is far and away better than the Friday version, and watching both, is for me a waste of my time. Why don't they just expand the programme to XL and be done with it.


Well at least Monday night beckons with the return of Master Chef: Professional and the next exciting instalment of Spooks ....The less said about the week end's football the better, but I will say I hope James Perch will be a thing of the past come January. 


I will leave you with these wise words from Douglas Adams 


"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."