Strictly Come Dancing week 5: Frights and delights

Strictly Come Dancing  Halloween Special . Welllllllllllllllllllll  what an evening's fine entertainment people.  If you used Gavin and Ann as loo and nibbly breaks, good on you, if not, my condolences. Couple of things to note on the programme overall from tonight. Alesha, aka useless judge, came out punching and was scary nasty most of the night, this however did not stop her from overstepping her bounds in the later parts and being pointlessly cruel once or calling a rubbish dance great. That said, I suspect somebody at the BBC is reading these and she's responded in kind. BTW thank you pet, for not mangling the English language for just one evening, do please keep it up. School teachers across the land are heaving a huge sigh of relief.  Kudos to the Chipendale dancers, my wife enjoyed that, but what about me???? Where were the scantily clad women! Brucie was on fine form as usual and got a few brilliant gags not least of which was the John Sergeant joke that one hopes Ann Widdicombe  took to heart. It's time to be rude Ann, please for all of us who love dance. As for the music tonight, it was at times insightfully brilliant and inspired in choice and other times the dance struggled to get out of the shadow of the poorly chosen music. 

Week 6 review up and ready

And so without further ado....... the night's ratings

Pamela Stephenson: Did Jive and was a bit Yeeha and steppy. On the whole basic a bit dull but not without skill. Poor choice of music. Pamela will live to dance another day, but this was not her best night. Rating 6

Tina O'Brien: Argentine Tango to some frankly rubbish music, ruined her routine. Not for the last time a dancer had to dance past the music to keep step to the dance intended. Gothic Tina had on ghastly make up that did not compliment her, but her dancing was technically good. it had some heat and speed that was missing in weeks past, but her total lack of chemistry with her partner put a damper on the whole thing.  Rating 6 

Kara Tointon: Pasodoble to the Phantom of the Opera.  Another poor musical choice that did not match the steps being attempted.  I had to lower the volume to hear the dance, but what a dance it was. Pamela and partner were passionate fluid  and brilliant. Rating 9 Video


Patsy Kensit: Jive  to the Monster Mash She had a rough start but saved her routine, Not her best but OK. But her OK is a poorer dancer's bloody brilliant. Rating 7

Felicity Kendal: Viennese Waltz to actual waltz music! What a concept, they should try that more often you know. Gorgeous opening with Felicity at a classic European Masque, so much grace and musicality till the steps. It unravelled a bit but was redeemed on the floor with lovely bendy bits. Felicity was radiant in her dress and were it not for the steps, would have scored higher. Rating 6

Jimi Mistry: Pasodoble.... as Michael Jackson zombie?  It would explain the dance of the living dead with it's blocky laboured steps. To his credit, he did get into it and pulled off a decent performance. Rating 7

Michelle Williams: Jive to The Time Warp. Oh what a mess, not Jive and not Time Warp. As a founding member of the water spritzer and toast chucking brigade, I was deeply disturbed by a shambolic rendition of the Time warp. I loved Craig's "lobotomised" comment. A sad routine best forgotten. Rating 4 
For your entertainment and to cleanse the palette.... a clip of the real Time Warp  "It's astounding, Time is fleeting, madness.... takes it's toll ..."

Gavin Henson: Pasodoble. What a vain twonk. Thank G-d he's going back to rugby full time, Maybe he won't have to worry about dance after this horror show. Yet again he used his bare chest to cover his posturing and walking resorting at the end to the Welsh flag.... Shame on you Gavin. If you'd keep covered up and TRIED to dance you might of noticed you got at least one tiny bit right with your footwork.  Now please piss off if you're not going to take this seriously. Rating 4

Scot Maslen: Viennese Waltz. Poor man had the lurgy real bad like, but he soldiered on. I'll be honest, I could not find any fault with this dance at all . Brilliant footwork, spins  with a passionate story.  Great music that fit the dance SsssssssCottT was the best dance of the night. Rating 9 Video

AnnWiddicombe: Does it really matter what she was supposed to be doing????  Standing, walking being dragged, right back to the granny dancing of week 1. Without even a shred of entertainment value, this was the absolute bottom of the barrel.  It would have been better if she'd been shot from a cannon as suggested, all the way HOME. Ann please BE RUDE, and  leave NOW!!!! The joke has gone far enough. Rating -2  For the terminally masochistic.Video

Matt Baker: Argentine Tango to Meatloaf.  As Bruno put it.... Matt out of Hell. Passionate, near flawless  with only one hick . There was much skill on display and I agree with Len, some of the lifts were superfluous. I think the dancers are shooting for votes and adding elements that have little or nothing to do with the dance at times. Sadly the audience is often taken in and  the tactic works.  Even without the extra lifts, Rating 8 video

And so it ends, Gavin and Ann yet again rooted to the bottom of the table. Will voters choose wisely? Probably not. But I am an optimistic person by nature, fingers crossed the results reflect the table and Ann goes out on Sunday.

See you all back in this post when I either have a fit at whose being sent home or heaping  praise on the callers for their good taste.

EDIT: What the hell is going on? Tina O'Brien and Felicity Kendal with Michelle, Ann and Gavin safe?????  I agree with Craig Revel Horwood, the un-cultivated Ann is still in and he's shocked. His face told it all. I'm certain there is less than quiet revolution going on behind the scenes. Len Goodman on the other hand is either a good actor or has completely lost the plot. What exactly is on about that it's good that people eating bacon sarnies are voting for the fat old  dear out of pity? It's a dance competition not I'm a Celebrity get me out of here. What's next? forcing the dancers to eat bugs in between performances? Will Ant and Dec be hosting next year? May as well as the programme has tonight lost all credibility. If the BBC don't want to see a massive drop off in viewers, they had better sort this fast. My own personal feeling is that most people will Strictly two weeks more before they abandon the pretence of of it not yet having descended into open farce.

By the way, It was Tina O'Brien who got the boot. Poor Tina, nit the best dancer but not anywhere near as bad as the Ghastly Trio, is going home. That Felicity Kendal, fantastic Felicity who makes Michelle look like an ant with most of it's legs pulled off, was in danger, is inconceivable and wrong. Between the oiks who voted for Gavin and especially Ann, and the producers for pretending this is somehow good for the programme, shame on the lot of you. 

I suppose I should say something about Alice Cooper. Great song choice, even if he didn't sing his own song " "Welcome to my nightmare", which would have been just as appropriate. "You're Poison" about covers what real dance fans think of the real bottom three and the voters keeping them in. Watch for ratings drops among fans who thought they were watching a dance competition in the next two weeks.

Watch the results show, if you can keep your supper down, here. I for one will go back to feeling superior as my beloved Newcastle United stuffed Sunderland 5-1 in the derby today.

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