Sherlock: The sign of three

My wife and I were not in the least bit happy with last night's Sherlock. I say this to point out that despite the strong and negative reaction this ep has elicited from some quarters, these opinions are being rejected out of hand by certain people on the grounds that we are not the show maker, we don't know what we're talking about, what do you mean you didn't like Sherlock? it was brilliant?! We have not allowed our inner child to be more free and unchain the character from the genre. Apparently only other official script writers are allowed to point out that for a 90 minute script there sure was an awful lot of filler, at least three writers help coble this together and linked up poorly and that it took 25 minutes for any kind of mystery to occur and the final solution to the bleeding obvious puzzle made no sense. If you even allow for 15 minutes to elapse before you tune out of boredom, frustration or indifference, that's still 10 minutes longer than the most patient person would of watched.

What then unfolded was a Children in need special (that's telethon filler for those not from the UK) that ran long enough to cover 5 years of Terry Wogan taking cheques from runners for Pudsy. I know Gattis and Moffatt and that guy they were covering for were trying to be clever. And it was , in bits, but not for a full 90 minutes. In fact one of the biggest reasons those of us that hated it were unhappy was that despite at least staying somewhat in character, the ep was in the time slot that normally is reserved for Sherlock the Mystery drama thriller. I might have been ready to forgive even this if the story , such as it was, wasn't so disjointed and incoherent in it's dipping from one genre to the next, at one point becoming a BBC3 drunken youths special revelling in intoxication past the point even Packet of crisps would have gone. If you spent most of the film going WTF and hoping it might start eventually being something, it was for about 5 minutes then went back to utter confusion despite a brilliant portrayal of a socially awkward genius that would have worked if you had wanted to watch Big Bang doing the long awaited Penny Leonard wedding.

I would even  have forgiven it even if it was shit if it was one of  6 or even 12. The fact there is but one more ep left in this series means that there is a 50 50 chance the next one will be as bad or worse or marginally better or effing brilliant. I don't like those odds when deciding to choose something to watch. To mention a mates comment, three slots a year are too valuable to waste on fluff like this. We chose it to avoid all the comedies on the air at the time, we wanted drama, there had been no particular warning that it would be anything but a drama only to become a Colin Firth spectacular available on DVD for free in next weekends Daily Mail. Of course we were going to be confused and eventually angry. But just try saying that in front of some people....

And what kind of people are we that we deserve censure? The kind of people that watch a wide range of programmes and cultural content, we consider ourselves relatively open minded and intelligent only to be routinely treated to a  hyperbole of terms regularly used to suppress any difference of opinion that doesn't show due deference to his holiness The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat. How often have we or even you, yes you been right all along, totally fact based, completely sure of your information  only to be told by these wise things that they were sure you're wrong and anyway they know better. This happened several times to my wife with Doctor Who and the keepers of the faith. When rumbled by the Who docufilm confirming my wife's assertions, these people just pretended like they knew it all along, enough to make you scream.

A prime example  is this most recent quote from a Who blogger that has more than once pushed his weight around talking long enough to insure nobody else gets a word in edge wise lest he be proved at fault. But, and this is really important, this blogger thought it was great. And he, also, thinks that anyone that didn't think it was great is bloody stupid. Not just a little bit stupid but what-little-brains-they-have-dribbling-out-of-their-ears stupid. And, I don't want to talk to them. I mean, there are, of course, also people who believe NASA faked the moon landings and the world is run by giants lizards. They're also quite vocal on the Internet, I've noticed. And, are also worth ignoring.

I bet even Moffat has been heard uttering the words "I don't think it was that good" or "I might have done this better if ...." , "Boss I need more time to fix this awful script". But with people like the above rapping the fingers of those of us who do in fact know, have information and are used to a certain level of quality, we are either rendered mute to avoid offence or pretend to be overjoyed just to keep the peace.
    

The fact is that even producers of big shows with big ratings can and do get it wrong, these people are doing a job, for big money, but if they do it less well than they did it last week, we may not watch next week. And if enough people don't watch next week and the week after, programmes get cancelled. That's why those of us who watch and have opinions matter, and why those of us who write for those who watch, must pay heed to those opinions. Treating the big shots like they are infallible, leads to massive egos and even bigger divergences from the norm, whatever the norm is. By setting the bar as high as Gatiss and Moffat did with the first three eps, they opened themselves up to us saying " That sucked, I hated it because.." and they have to listen.

There is another big lie out there. Calling somebody a creator when they have only taken over an existing project that has a history and reasonable expectations, justifies them making wholesale changes to something and expecting the fan base, the network and the advertisers to go along with what ever personal project they have. Add to that the real risk that when you take on another giant like Sherlock and try to make two quality programmes at the same time, you will likely start to get sloppy on both and confuse the two shows for the same thing  when they are not.

This has now occurred and some of us have had the temerity to say so. I love Doctor Who, I love Sherlock, but if this is the future, we should prepare ourselves for the time when both are gone for good. I for one will no longer bother with Sherlock , we can only pray the combination of Peter Capaldi and a more focused Who crew will produce something  that vaguely resembles a story as they aren't now saddled with nearly as much work.

Oh and Happy 160th Birthday Sherlock Holmes, I was hoping for a better present but there wasn't anything nice in the shops so I got you this Tardis usb hub, hope you like it. 

The Curse of the Black Spot: Homicidal mermaid on the loose

And for those of you who endured the last few minutes with a mechanical hare, the Italian cheese is Asiago and Gulliver's travels was the oldest in the list. Just how dim do you have to be to need to think and debate on questions like these? Good thing they go the question about theme parks or the poor bunny would have had to wait till next week. Honestly , this thing still hasn't been put out of it's misery?

Small price to pay for the best sci fi show in the world  yes? Maybe not, but the credits did roll and Doctor Who opened up with a shot of the good ship Errol Flynn. If they missed a pirate cliché in the first 5 minutes, I must have blinked. Then Amy did her best impression of every girl's fantasy from Pirates of the Caribbean. As it turns out, the only reason she even remotely scared the weather beaten veterans of years at sea, was their fear of getting  hurt  even just a wee bit. Any other time they would have laughed and muttered  something along the lines of "Now there lass, you could hurt yerself with that". But the aforementioned homicidal mermaid was culling crew with cuts of any kind and letting them know their number was up with a black spot, and that had put rather a damper on basic sword play so fancy footwork was the order of the day. Now maybe I've gotten a tad cynical in my dotage, but I'm prepared to forgive a lot if the result is a ripping good  yarn.

There I did it, I used a piraty word. Argh, I did it again.  Avast ye land lubbers! That's all I got, I'm empty now, rest of the review will be in English or that close approximation to English I use most of the time. I mention this because I'm happy to see the script , while not avoiding the cliché pile up, did steer clear of the awful dialogue that normally crops up in such outings. There were a few moments you could almost believe it was a darker episode of Master and Commander, complete with miniaturized ship and cabins, then there plopped in the middle of the floor was a pile of gems gold and coins bringing us right back into Errol Flynn land. I suppose it was fun to watch  but mostly harmless. The watery tart gave us a few scares, Captain Avery  had a few tender words with his son the stowaway. Yes he was hiding in a barrel.  Then the crew or what was left of it was washed away or zapped by the murderous mermaid with half the ep still to go.  Oh whatever will they do? Doc, Cpt. Henry Avery and Amy get taken as well. Did I mention, they killed Rory again, poor poor man. So where was I?  Oh yes,  if ye can't beat em, don't think they're all dead and join em.

In fairness the previously lethal Siren now is the, albeit misguided, but good Emergency Medical Hologram. A bit less brutal than the empty child but still unused to human physiology. Turns out no one was dead, just in suspended animation. Nice one that. Just when we were forgetting about the whole space angle, along comes a space ship from another dimension. Frankly I was wondering when the rest of the universe in all it's splendour and diversity was going to stick it's nose into the series. Matt Smith even started to talk like just maybe the people he's meeting aren't all up to speed on the lingo and tech. Now all we need is a bit more sarcasm and the comparisons with Tom Baker can start. A good start tonight and the multiverse traffic jams in space and time are a touch of proper sci fi .  Loved the bit where the Pirate captain was looking for the things he knows all ships should have; a compass, a sail and a rudder. 

As stories go, it did touch on all the places it needed to, the heart strings of father and son, hero worship , expectations and disappointment. Amy and Rory are couple of the year what with the continuing saga of how much they mean to each other. The elements of classic Greek literature and seafaring stories worked well and the exposition for those who missed it wasn't at all heavy handed. Where the Curse of the Black Spot worked best was the dynamic between the the two captains when comparing ships and especially when it turned out our Doctor's Tardis was rubbish after all. Professional envy carries well over alleged tech  advances and it was nice to see.

Line of the show had to be:

I'm confused. 

Well it's a big club. We should get t-shirts.

Could be the theme for the entire series for all we know , but cracking line. I'll have one please. So not the best ep but hardly the worst. I was glad to watch it, it was fun to and I was entertained despite the never in doubt "will Rory die, mouth to mouth scene". If you read last week's review , you know that I'm finding it hard to buy into any real danger being all that serious, after last week and the fact it's only the 3rd ep in the series. Which does bring us to the Easter eggs dropped in rather cutely in two spots. Fist we have the panel in space and time that slides open to reveal a ginger eye patched lass ( yarr) who tells Amy to be calm,, get it becalm... as in a ship not moving .. Anyroad, this woman could only be some kind of person in a Time Lord vehicle in the past, future present of the Doctor who feels she can do that sort of thing to Amy and cares enough to.  .Add to that the apparent line by Matt Smith in the Next week teaser, " There's a living Time Lord out there!", things can only get more exciting than they already are. Personally, I'm wondering why it took so long to even get around to the rest of the Time Lords. It's not really Doctor Who without them. Speaking of regular service, it's nice to know where the kitchen is, that there are at least three toilets on board the Tardis and that Rory and Amy have a room as well. Maybe even one day we'll see them too! Nearly forgot, the Positive negative reading is proof to me that the Doctor's fate is not written in stone, it can change just like Amy being pregnant or not will be one of the signals to us as to how this whole arc ends up.

 Doctor Who chugs along  happily pissing off the nay sayers and entertaining the rest of us. I like the return to the slightly camp,oblivious, mildly mad Cambridge professor otherwise known as Tom Baker.  Matt Smith doesn't and shouldn't play him as aloof as Baker ( though the "take the silly guns away" talk came close) because despite being the amalgam of all the Doctors who came before, he is still his own incarnation. At the end of the 45 minutes I was smiling and wondering and looking forward to next week. That my friends are sure signs of a job well done.

As for the future, the mounting evidence indicates we're in for a fun ride that I suspect will still not entirely answer the questions swirling around River and Amy by series end. We will I suspect have at least one or two stops on Gallifrey proper and Rassilon will put in an appearance before being sectioned for a few more millennia. If you read and take seriously the drippings in the gutter press, we will even see The Master come back for a story. Would be a waste no to have him back, he was one of the reasons I loved watching the first go around. Master stories are deeply personal and give the Doctor the hardest time, so bring on DCI Sam Tyler. Steven Moffat may have bit off more than he can chew with Sherlock AND Who, but I think in the end he'll get it right. If you missed anything , watch the ep here or go to the homepage of  Doctor Who because you can.

My beloved Toon won a hard match 2-1 , Doctor Who was a pleasant way to spend 45 minute in front of the telly. Saturdays don't get any better than this. Laters all, time to make a bit of food, and watch MOTD.

The Impossible Astronaut: Part one

WARNING SPOILERS: If you've not yet seen this, then please look no further. Finally after much gnashing of teeth and beating of breasts, fandom on both sides of the pond can come together albeit a bit delayed , and on the same day discuss our brilliant and universally admired Doctor.

In order to stretch a bit and  make sure I'm not ruining anything for anybody... I'm going to spend a little time talking about something safe. Sad, but safe. Earlier this week our beloved Sarah Jane Smith aka Lis Sladen passed away suddenly at the incredibly young age of 63 from cancer. She was in my estimation THE companion. Part best mate, part first mate and part Doctor's conscience. Sarah Jane first showed up during John Pertwee's incarnation while working at U.N.I.T.  From that time onwards and till she left us first in her Andy Panda outfit, she became the companion we all loved. Oh we lusted after some, wanted to hug others, and yet others moved us to tears ( Adric), but Sarah Jane was the one we loved, the one we always measured the other companions too. Even in her return, years later with the 10th Doctor, it was hard not to feel the old  stirrings in your heart when she first saw the Doctor and when she finally said goodbye to him. If anything, Sarah Jane had not gotten old, she'd gotten better.  I must admit I was not a huge fan of The Sarah Jane Adventures, but even as a young adult programme it took much of it's character and force from the actress Lis Sladen, who I'm sure loved every second of it and would have gone on another 10 years if she hadn't died. Sarah Jane Smith asked us not to to forget her, how could we? Are our hearts made of stone? I'm not one to cry much or all that often, but last night during the tribute on CBBC, My Sarah Jane,  it was all I could do not to cry, nearly made it too, but then they hit us with that final montage and music. We will never forget you Lis Sladen, RIP and keep the Brigadier company. For an in-depth review of Lis Sladen's life I recommend my mate Keith Telly Topping's article.

Best comment on the night was yer Keith Telly Topping's response to my cryptic status right after Doctor Who finished.....Me: Wellll that was a sizzler wasn't it. Him: It was. Dramatic. Funny. Thought provoking. Mind you, I kept on expecting the hare to break down about every five minutes ... . Basil Brush would be proud.

Enough stalling already, The Impossible Astronaut: Part one  was precisely what it was supposed to be, a part one. If you were expecting to the Lord thy G-d Steven Moffat to neatly wrap up all the tiny details for you at the end of 45 minutes, you are clearly new to this Doctor Who thing. I will go further, while some say it was mehhh and a bit iffy, I was glued from beginning to end. It lasted 45 minutes but it felt like 20. When the credits rolled I went gahh and wanted the week to go by as quickly as possible so it could be Saturday again. This is not mehh telly, this is not iffy storytelling, it is however a master setting up a finish and adding extra layers to that story we've been wondering about for a long time, who is River Song? 

The ep opens with the throw away and yet amusing scene of the young marrieds in their sitting room watching clips of the Doctor waving at them from various points in history. A less practised hand would have been rumbled for padding, but not Moffat, this bit of theatre paved the way to making the Tardis blue card being less important than it actually was. After a bit of sussing, the numbered bit otherwise anonymous envelope yields instructions that only be from the Doctor. Fade to a dessert on planet USA and we have kicked off. Amy Rorry, Song  and the 1103 year old Doctor don't have long to wait for something to happen. And 10 minutes in shots, the Doctor is regenerating, more shots and he's dead. Welllll I for one didn't buy it. Yes he was dead, he got a lovely Viking send off, but like Gandalf the Grey, he was only hiding till later. And Presto, out the bogs comes a 909 year old Doctor. Are you keeping up people? 

Our merry band of very possible related persons now have to save the future doctor from the grisly fate of future Doctor, but can't tell him owt for fear of tearing yet another rip in the space time continuum, and wasn't that a pain the behind the last time? Moffat does well to separate the command and control structure where he usually tells them to jump and they ask why and River Song just ignores him. What with the trio plotting behind his back, Matt Smith resorts to the childish , "what's the point in having you all"  if you're not going to look at how amazing I'm being. At last  a spark of the alien egomaniac we all know lurks in every regeneration since William Hartnell got cross over being less than all powerful. 

Roll on to the Oval Office and President Nixon seems pretty cool for a cold war era politician raised on fear and paranoia. I'm surprised the lot of them weren't hoyed off to Area 51 on the spot. ANY ways, we're soon off to Florida and the source of the trouble. The Grey Amy's been seeing but forgetting since nearly the first frame, is now clearly part of a swarm or colony several centuries old. Now the last time such creatures blanked out minds we struggled to remember, this time the mobile phone is recruited in the battle to save Earth yet again. For a murderous race, the Greys are not what you would call scary in the same way Daleks, Cybermen or the Borg are. It's not like I've gotten jaded or used to uglies from outer space nesting in the bowels of the planet plotting dominion over the Human race, some of them still strike instant fear in me and turn me into a quivering bowl of 9 year old boy. This lot however still don't scare me. Like the somewhat ineffectual Sea Devils of old, these may take some time to get a bit of respect. 

And then the credits roll and we have to wait! Well Not quite, there's a lot more that happened , but that as I said before,  goes more to the story of River Song and the Doctor. Amy is pregnant, River fears something worse than her own death. What could be worse than your own death? Watching Don't scare the Hare? Another series of Candy Cabs? ( yes and yes) BBC One Comptroller Mr Cohen has a lot to answer for. In terms of Doctor who, there can only be one thing worse than River's own death and that has to be the death of the Doctor Himself. " Of course it's you, I understand" takes on a whole new meaning, but then again it could be somebody else entirely. So is River Amy, but older? Is River Amy's as yet unborn child? Will Amy's child marry the Doctor and give birth to River? As we know in Gallifreyan biology and family trees, the Hapsburgs would feel right at home and we cannot ignore any of these possibilities. My money is on Amy being River in the future, though that doesn't square with the statement of River's that they are moving in opposite directions.  If  I follow this line of inquiry much further, my brain will hurt and that is not something I need right now. 

Outstanding performances all around but Rory rises to the top of the pile with some strong moments,  I particularly enjoyed Rory as TARDIS orientation officer and funeral director, in both cases he show he could yet be a big player if he doesn't get eaten, dissolved, vaporized or other wise sent off to the old companion's home.One thing that did surprise me  was that while scenes were shot on location in the USA, the British nature of the programme was never in any danger. It's reassuring that despite being the world's greatest power, the Americans still need Brits and an alien to solve their problems. Some things never change eh? Fandom gets an echo with the spoilers banter and Amy fans will be pleased to see how she has become quite the domestic Goddess. I myself am more into the full figured River Song with her curves and barely concealed sexuality. Like the Doctor said, he likes the bad girls, and they don't get any badder than River Song. 

Something my wife said struck a chord with me tonight as well. RTD and to some extent even THe Lord Thy G-d SM have forgotten the Doctor is an Alien. He's been humanised far too much, he's been allowed to become simply eccentric without the acerbic arrogance of a superior being that finds it hard to deal with talking ants or chimps with calculators. In the old days... (here he goes again), Doctors used to get regularly frustrated at the lack of basic education and skill that humans, even from advanced eras, suffered from. Now he seems to have gone so native it's more like he's the 2000 year old man and can only tell tales of what it was like before the invention of the wheel. And when are we finally going to get stories that explore the vast space that is the TARDIS? It's like they've parked in the reference section of the British museum and  refused to  move an inch further. Perhaps If I say it often enough... from my to G-d's ears. G-d works in Cardiff, so it's not long distance like it used to be. Lastly, these Earth bound stories, are all fine and good, but we need more alien planets, more future times and creepy things in bad suits who are never pleased to see the Doctor. I'm not complaining, just wondering when we will reach for the stars again, just asking. 


In short, I loved the series opener, and look forward to many more stories. Keep em coming Mr. Moffat. I trust in your ability to make these things make sense without robbing us of all that suspense and fodder for discussion. Like Deep Thought, you have guided us from crisis to crisis, but please, no long drawn out Seldon plan, don't wait too long to free Gallifrey and return the Universe to normal service. I thank you in advance.

Robert Downey's Sherlock Holmes or Guy Ritchie takes the piss

He would have made a better Holmes

I wrote a review of the film Sherlock Holmes in December '09, before the BBC's excellent  Sherlock (reviewed here) aired and before we knew there would be a sequel to the odious pile of droppings in question. I include it now as I think it bears repeating. If it saves even one poor soul from buying the DVD or renting it, I have done my job.

And now let us go back in time, It's a few hours after I've been forced to sit through the film, lost my scarf at the show and only having just returned from a gathering of Sherlockians that would normally have been discussing Holmes, Doctor Who, Corrie, life and of course enjoyed the fine knosh on offer by our hostess. We Instead,  spent the evening wondering how we were going to explain to new recruits why the stories we read and study in no way resemble the dreck they saw and hope they decide to stay anyways. In case you're wondering, we got no new members worth keeping, one ruined a meeting and was asked to leave before it became a complete loss. Now close your eyes and go back, back back.........It's cold and I'm wondering where it all went so badly wrong.

I write this as a charter member for over 20 years of a Sherlock Holmes Society. Our lot was invited en mass to a preview screening of the new Holmes film by Guy Ritchie. Besides being a crass marketing attempt complete with bribery by posters, promotional material like cheap plastic cups and other assorted rubbish including recycled material from other films ( they gave us a key off some fantasy thing re-stamped Sherlock Holmes), the move was designed to get a good review from ANY Sherlockian. Well it is this Sherlockian's duty as a Sherlockian and lover of good films, to warn you  DO NOT GO see this aberration. Why you ask ? Where do I start????

Well lets start with the basic requirements of any entertaining film. It fails in every important way possible. It's badly cast,  badly acted, poorly written, overly violent for no apparent reason , the story makes little or no sense, lasting apx 120 minutes but feeling like 4 hours. It's called Sherlock Holmes, but resembles Holmes about as much as a fat hamster resembles a cheetah. It could have been called Indiana Bond v the Evil doer ninjas and not have changed a single word save a few names, it was that removed from even being slightly about Sherlock Holmes.  But since I was made to sit in plain view of the promo monkeys, I could hardly walk out at the 15th minute when I wanted to.  Had I left, I would not have seen the complete list of atrocities inflicted on movie goers in the name of Guy Ritchie's bank account and Robert Downey's ego. And so having been made to watch this, I will tell you in exquisite detail why it's 2 hours of my life I would have preferred watching repeats of old industrial films or having a root canal.

Oh Yes!

As a Sherlockian I can tell you it treats the core characters with as much respect as an illiterate bully looking for porn mags at the library. Holmes should have no difficulty paying the rent as he's quite wealthy. Holmes and Watson do not have gambling problems, Holmes is not a slob, Irene Adler is not a master criminal but an actress/singer. As for the whole Mary Morstan story, Holmes is the one who hooks her up with Doctor Watson in the stories. So for Holmes on film to be jealous and to make trouble is insane and clearly he can't use deduction on her as he already knows her.. Holmes and Watson never come to blows and Mrs Hudson is Scottish and not afraid of Holmes. One tiny detail... Holmes and Watson do not own a dog of any kind, let alone a dead ringer for a certain insurance selling bulldog. Oh Yes ! Can you say product placement? For the writers to take a few over the top episodes from the books and wrap them in rubbish does not  make for an alleged accurate portrayal with a twist. As for the costuming, it's a dogs breakfast of styles from 1840 through to 1925, Rachel Mcadams in particular is dressed so poorly for the period, it's clear this was never ever made as anything but a cash grab at horny teenagers who can't afford internet porn. There are more cockneys per square inch than there were in London at the time and there appear to be only a handful of upper class people and they are all without exception, Evil. London was not an eternal lunar landscape forgotten by the sun and the constant less than subtle reminders that Ritchie once made Lock Stock and two smoking barrels means the film was never more than a sad call for attention from a film maker who's last few films have been without exception, turkeys. 

So what's the story?

Holmes has to stop a megalomaniac from taking over the world through alleged Satan worship, but is in fact Kabbala. The baddie who dresses like a Nazi from 1933 and speaks like one, wants to create a new world
order. Where have we heard that one before? Oh yeah, Indiana Jones or was that WW2?

The greatest offence, as if what I already mentioned wasn't enough, is the clear use of Jewish iconography and objects to create a sense of evil and danger. My wife, one of millions who can read Hebrew, was shocked to see the following.

1- A passage supposedly from the Kabbala , a practice that was so deeply shunned at the time by Jews, it was cause for hoying out of the congregation. The passage purported to be about a ritual with animal parts was in fact a text about the elements of life and completely harmless.

2- At one point, the film casts evil intent on the character of some high nobles with the inclusion of a richly decorated ceremonial box. The box in fact is a Tzadakah box or charity box. You select a cause
to donate to and drop your change in to eventually give it to the charity  of your choice. To elevate such an object of good to symbol of evil and danger is the same as equating a breast feeding mother to
that of a murderer.

It gets worse

3- During the film there is a massive overly long, slow motion explosion. The music played is the same as is used in every WW2 special about the concentration camps. It was creepy and unsettling.

4- Lastly they plan to kill off most of the members of the House of Lords and the House of Commons by using a device to activate poisonous pellets that will send the deadly smoke into the House of Commons turning it into a gas chamber.

This film is flawed in so many ways, but the use of Jewish symbols and sacred items in combination with the gas chamber imagery  is beyond the pale. My wife's family only barely survived the camps. For Guy Ritchie to think this was ok to do, is sickening . As a Holmes film it fails, as an action adventure it's a complete mess from beginning to end, not having any particular hook or creation of tension onto likeable characters.  Lastly it is offensive to any person who knows their history .. I can only hope this film dies a quick death and Guy Ritchie is exposed for the insensitive piece of work he is.

My last word on this, if you want to watch quality Holmes stories,stick to ITV's Jeremy Brett. If you want explosions and action, perhaps Avatar might be worth seeing. But at all cost avoid this piece of dog's droppings . It's not worth the price of admission, even if you don't read Hebrew.

Looking forward to the John Lennon bio pic reviewed here, should be much better.

Sherlock: The Great Game or Moriarty revealed

Tonight's third and final Instalment of  the current run was as per usual, brilliant. Holmes chases after one distraction after another designed to keep him from solving the case most important to the the British Government. Based on The Bruce Partington Plans and borrowing liberally from a few other stories, the episode takes you from one squeaky bum moment to the next. It even makes you think the unthinkable. It was in a word, Effing Brilliant. ( ok  that's two words).

The introduction, finally, of Moriarty was not unexpected once you realized the three films were one story in three parts. Well played and paced, the story takes you where expected it to go, but still one found it incredibly fascinating. And just when you thought. "I got you rumbled Moffat", the story takes another layer away. It is our habit when we watch telly to chat a bit during the boring bits or when we'll learn nothing new. During 90 minutes we were continuously surprised by the twists and turns. Do not take your eyes off the screen for a second lest you miss a detail.

If one could define in a sentence the point of the story, it would be thus. Holmes and Moriarty are two sides of the same coin. Both massive intellects that find life in stimulation , intrigue and mystery. Put another way, human life and emotional attachment is worth less than the details of the game. If I had never watched these stories and only ever read the original ones, I would have come to the same conclusion. The fact that the Lord Thy God Moffat managed this without falling into the usual traps most telly producers of the modern era have, elevates the man to a club of writers we should all aspire to. In lesser efforts, the characters become two dimensional creatures whose sole purpose is to speak the lines of the author. Moffat and Gatiss, we mustn't forget Gatiss, create people, men and women who are more than mere Auton like shells with a limited shelf life. We met tonight people who would otherwise be interesting, people who if you knew them , we would want them to live. But in the telling you see just how detached both Holmes and Moriarty are from the mundane reality that Watson and Lestrade live in. Even the beautifully crafted and acted Mycroft has a certain air of elevation above the ordinary, he is first and foremost concerned with the defense of the realm, the loss of the submarine plans now updated to be rockets, over the loss of a single human life.  And yes he's right, for that one life is nothing compared to the thousands a rocket would kill. To call Holmes cold and heartless is of course incorrect.  He is just his brother a few years younger. Sometimes you need to rise above the mundane to discover the greater good. For example, the Curie's work on radioactivity eventually killed them both, but we have much to thank them for. Would they have been more concerned with a safe boring life, we would still not have pasteurized milk.

So if Moriarty is the evil yang to Holmes good Ying, is he equally noble in the pursuit of his craft? I would suppose so, and yet he does come off as bit mad. Would you have expected anything else? And yet you still believe that below the thin Vermeer of comic lunacy, there lies a real person waiting to be explored in future episodes.  I doubt we'll see the last of him nor can we say we know all there is to know about him. Thank God there will be at least 10 new stories coming soon to a telly near you.

One great line from the ep is " I'd be lost without my Blogger (Boswell)". Just one of many bits and pieces in the many layered dish that is The Great Game.  Sherlockians, Holmesians, fellow enthusiasts, a few things to look forward to when watching this highly entertaining ep.  A number of things are said that should make you run for your copies of Holmes to find the reference, there are at least 5 clear ones I counted and most assuredly more. I won't tell you what they are, and what's more if you don't get them I promise not to blow up your Gran.

In the grand tradition of The Strand, the story leaves us wanting more and anticipating greatness. The New Cumberbatch Holmes tonight did one other thing I thought would take longer, he took possession of the role as much as any person can. Or should I say , he allowed the ghost of Sherlock Holmes to posses him completely. The coming series will, if it continues to maintain the high standard of story telling, humour suspense  and believability despite the occasional mustard applied in some scenes, will be a massive success that will launch the new Holmes and Watson into the realm of Legend.

Finally, I must look at this as a stand alone story. Would I have watched this as a single film and enjoyed it? Emphatically yes. It gathered you  ever so gently and then took you hostage till the very last second of the credits.  Well done BBC for taking this story on, may you keep taking such decisions regardless of what the Condemns and certain Labour people think.  Were it not for the current set up, the English speaking telly world would be a poorer place.

The game Mrs.Hudson, is on. NEW BBC Holmes is perfection

The lord thy God Steven Moffat and his pal Mark Gatiss, both avid Sherlockians, have created in this Sherlock set in modern London a perfectly honest and authentic Holmes and Watson. If Benedict Cumberbatch and  Martin Freeman were worried they may be badly compared to other actors who have played the roles recently, there was no need to have worried.  Where Guy Ritchie (his pile of wank reviewed here), who never read Holmes, fails utterly, Steven  Moffat succeeds beyond his wildest dreams. While Jeremy Brett and Edward Hardwicke willl always be the  Holmes and Watson of Queen Victoria,  these two will be the Holmes and Watson of Queen Elizabeth.

A Study in Pink is the retelling of A Study in Scarlet and yet it is so much more. It is the setting of in our minds of the main characters, we will with luck, now follow for many years. I'm sorry to say that if Doctor Who show runner Moffat thinks he can just walk away from this now after three eps, he's got another thing coming. Like Doyle, this will now become a creature of his making, becoming bigger than the author. We must have more. I can tell that three stories will not be enough.  This new Sherlock is so well made it erases both the bad taste in my mouth left over from Robert Downey rubbish and creates a space next to the towering reputations of Basil Rathbone, and Jeremy Brett.

As amazed , nay gobsmacked as I am at the level of quality and detail in the Holmes and Lestrade characters, it's Watson who truly rises to the occasion here. Let's step back a bit .....According to my JackTracy, Watson would have been in his early 30's late 20's when he would have met Holmes. Clearly a young man with medical skills and the military bearing of a recently demobbed soldier. With no fixed address or love life to encumber him , the man would be free to seek the pleasure of less mundane thrills with Sherlock Holmes. Such a man as this is neither bumbling nor old. He is in fact young robust and still used to the structure of command and field danger. Watson is AS smart as Lestrade, Watson is also his own man, who will not be told by somebody else what he can or cannot do.  This Watson is a pleasure to behold. How much better would the Rathbone films had been if he'd been played this way.  To say more would be to give the story away , but suffice to say that you will not be the slightest bit surprised at what he does and when.

Back to Holmes now. Our Holmes , the Holmes we grew up reading, the Holmes so ably played by Brett and written by the Granada people, is a complex person. And yet this complete person shows up on screen from the first time we see him. His eyes , his gestures, his attitude to people around him is spot on. The truly genius bit is to make Sherlock 2010 a forensic specialist. What a great way to insure he is never far from any cases that could arise. I especially appreciate the care taken to insure that every aspect of his character is made clear early in as much as he is not particularly interested in romance and is not gay. It would have been so easy to play him so, but that's not Sherlock Holmes. "I'm married to my work" in case Watson was somehow interested in something more. There is more to come I'm sure , but the true essential Holmes is there from the intellect, to the intense curiosity as well as the need to find a cure from everyday boredom. He knows he's better than anybody else, he sees forests where others see only blades of grass and the odd pebble. Holmes is the towering living embodiment of the Alpha male if brains were the principle requirement.  Not a clubbable man, not one easily tamed by woman kind. 

Mycroft Holmes, his brother, who I spotted right away, bears an uncanny and unsettling resemblance to David Cameron. And this in more than a few ways. His need to watch over his brother, clearly leads him to extreme lengths to insure his brother is alright. Does that mean he's the mysterious Moriarty? I hope not. Mycroft was always his brother's best friend and sounding board when none other would do. They are in fact on fairly decent terms if anything. I am aware that some poetic license is permitted in as much as the need to build suspense in such a story only helps. But let us not forget that Mycroft Holmes IS the British Government and MI5/6 , he would never be part of any criminal enterprise out of boredom or need for profit. He is far too busy with his own work, he is one of the good guys. Besides all of the aforementioned, Mycroft dresses and acts like Mycroft, he's not a squirrely evil professor and he's not afraid to be seen, unlike Moriarty. About that getting out thing, it is nice to see him out and about, as Doyle's Mycroft was somewhat sedentary and unfit, this Mycroft seems to be a bit more mobile and Q like.  Still not sure what the lovely but somewhat dim looking Althea is doing in all this, but I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for it all. (Insert your own producer's girlfriend jokes here)

Mrs. Hudson plays out well too. She is the perfect land lady and tolerates the sort of behavior Holmes and Watson will throw at her. In fact, I've seen this before. Military men of a certain grade and the University Don like my Uncle, tend to forget sometimes people are not there to serve them at all times. The fact she knows these are men who habitually give and take orders makes them the kind of tenants only a truly understanding woman like her can deal with. I look forward to her kippers and scotch eggs, though I wonder what the new Holmes and Watson are prone to eating now. Most likely gastro pub food and army cooking.


SGT Donovan will get wrong if she continues to insist Holmes is a killer just waiting to happen. He is his own brand of justice, he is a driven man , but he is not a man who would create mayhem to satisfy his own need for excitement. What would it prove to be hunted by himself or the clearly lesser beings at Scotland Yard. No he will always play by the rules, he will not kill to get a thrill. What he could do and has done in cannon, is release a dying man, look the other way when justice needs to be done some other way than the strictly legal sense.  She would do well to remember these things if she is to one day ( and I'm sure it will happen) be saved by this sociopath. 

So fellow Sherlockians, what little gems will you see in this film? Some of them are cracking good.  The Critereon and Stamford show up, The three pipe problem is there, he does some things only true scholars will recognize and marvel at, his addiction to texting is perfect as a replacement for the lost telegram and thrice daily mail round. Even his occasional dabble into mind altering chemicals is mentioned, though due to the fact that unlike the Victorian era, there are regulations on the truly addictive drugs now, Holmes does have a nicotine problem.  His deductive reasoning is as strong as any of the original stories and that my friends is the reason we bother watching this sort of thing. This Sherlock Holmes Is the Holmes of Doyle and Watson, a worthy use of money, talent and locations. My sincerest hope is that somebody at the BBC is already talking series 2.

Nearly forgot, I bet you're wondering what sort of story it is. It's a mystery in the style of  spooks and Midsommer mixed together. A gentle dose of humour and some wonderful use of special effects that aid exposition and demonstrate the methods of deduction as practiced by our hero. The nicest thing is that the story is carried by the actors, not the effects. Filmed in Cardiff, the sets are for all intents and purposes the London of people of a certain class and importance. The interiors are reflective of the people occupying them and you will be comfortable with the decor. There is even a Persian slipper if you look hard enough. Costumes are another thing you'll like. look at the clothes and you'll see the shadows of the older more Victorian order and dress, These are the same people we know and love, just in 2010

Job well done  Moffat and Gatiss .

Fezzes are cool The Pandorica Opens part 2

With apologies to Douglas Adams  possibly the funniest man in modern times to touch science fiction.

The Pandorica Opens part2 was everything I expected from the Moff.  Well paced, not entirely incomprehensible once you'd seen it in it's entirety and FUNNY. Moffat is humour , Moffat is the spirit of adventure fused  to the innocence of the by gone serial only ever successfully brought back to life by Indiana Jones.Every few minutes something happens that tugs at your heartstrings only to be replaced by an Abbot and Costello moment funnier than the last. A more cynical person would accuse the writers of writing to formula, but that would be like saying a recipe well done is nothing new. You still like the cake your nan baked even if she's done it a thousand times. This new Doctor finds new ways to keep the story moving using plot devices that engage your mind but don't take your brain for granted. For every question it answers it asks another and answers it. Even the ones that have left you hanging  like what about the shard? and how'd he do that without staying in E-space? Where did that crack come from? get conveniently pushed on the deliciously sexy and dangerously attractive River Song.

The next series is clearly going to be where all that banter between River and the Doctor gets fulfilled. Is she married, is he asking her to? The answer is YESSSS .  And yet you know it can't end well. She tells us it won't. We know there will be an explosion, we feel the invisible hand of the exiled Time Lords working their influence on him them from behind the slo-time envelope. Matt Smith series two will be a CRACKING one.

In one of the best scenes of the episode and not the only one to make you go back to HHGTTG, Rory decides to stay behind and guard the box our Amy is in. There is a combination of complete innocence and love with very real comedy moment that makes you think "the first million years were the worst, then the next million years were ....".  Ghosts of Marvin, the android who waited. Rory unlike most boyfriends in Who 2 , has been given a really respectful and sensitive use in the story arc. He keeps coming back as a dramatic reference point in the life of Amy Pond. Clearly while her imaginary Doctor is the stuff of her dreams, even wet ones judging by the snog she'd like to give the Doctor, she loves Rory and always has. A little  thing like non existence or being turned into an Auton won't stop that.

On the subject of our Amy, that little actress who plays young Amy. I ordinarily cannot abide small children in Doctor Who, it's not a children's programme, not like we imagine them to be these days, but this little girl can travel with the Doctor as often as she wants. This bright little ginger spark Caitlin Blackwood  lit up the screen from the first second she appeared. Inspired casting that could have gone horribly wrong, had us reading books of emotion on her face as she took us in a Madeline sort of trip from the social worker to night at the museum. Poor little girl with no parent in that big old house. The Doctor will take care of her. He loves her. not like he loved Rose, that was the kind of mature, fully explored sensual and sexual love, this is the love of a Father for his daughter, albeit adopted. He even shows up to dance at her wedding. I'm a grown man  but I nearly cried then.

The device of the Pandorica is interesting in and of itself. It fills a number of roles, mysterious puzzle box, bringer of life, back up file storage and representation of the finger of God himself. No one explains where the Pandorica itself came from or who built it. It's just there. all powerful, very mysterious and clearly keyed to the dna of the Doctor and Amy. Part machine part Diety, the Pandorica IS Pandora's box whence springs al lthat is good and all that is evil. For without one the other would not exist. The Pandorica is the creation myth retold for a new generation.

If I had to name a MOTM for the episode ? Hmmm tough call but I'd have to go with little Amelia, she made the whole thing work. she was the glue that bound the main players together. Her scene in the museum with older Amelia and the Daleks later on worked only because little Amelia worked.

On the whole as Paulo Nutinni would say , 10 out of 10.